Oh yes, the "liar, liar, pants on fire" defense
There was a news story this morning about a man and woman who got married ten years ago and (while they were married) they froze some embryos so they could have children. Well, before the implantation, the man changed his mind and the couple eventually got divorced. Now the woman is trying to get the embryos implanted because she wants to have kids badly, but the man is saying he doesn't want children with her, so he's not giving her permission. Is it just me or does it seem like science has moved faster than common sense? Does it actually seem like a good idea for this woman to have children with a man who has made it abundantly clear that he does not want that? Is there no other option for her because several are springing to my mind. I guess I've never really understood women who want biological children at any cost. I always had this idea that you find a good father first, and then you have children because I think kids need a good dad just as much as a good mom. I would imagine that even if this woman has another man raise her kids, they'll still wonder about their biological father, and then how is she going to explain that? The whole thing just seems so weird. I sometimes think (quite unfairly, I realize) that people should have to take drug, psychological and IQ tests before they can reproduce. Geesh.
posted by Ann at 8:20 AM
11 Comments:
I often wonder why Mike and I were allowed to reproduce- ha!
Something like this makes me wonder- what is more important to this woman, experiencing pregnancy or having a child? And its fine if she wants to experience pregnancy, but isn't the main goal of pregnancy to have a child? I know I'm not going through all this just for the fun of it! And nevermind the fact that the guy does not want to be the father of her children...
Seriously, couldn't she adopt? Or use an anonymous sperm donor? Why force a man to be a father when he so clearly doesn't want to be? I just can't imagine this will be good for the kids if she's allowed to do this. And I agree with you, experiencing the 9 months of pregnancy just doesn't seem worth it if the kids ultimately hate her.
And you and Mike would be on the top of my list of people I'd want to reproduce!! :)
I'm guessing she's using it as just another way to make him miserable. Divorce can be so messy. She needs to move on. I'll be interested in what happens with these people.
Oooh, that would be terrible to use something like that just to make the other person miserable. And I thought I was bad for wanting Lindsay Lohan's movies to tank so I won't have to look at her anymore.
I don't think she wants to make this guy miserable, or she would require him to pay child support. I think she just wants to have a child of her own.
Think about when your chances of having your own children are gone. Adoption is not always a quick fix. How many adoption agencies give single Mother's a child?
Here she was with man she wanted to have children with, went through the painful procedure of extracting eggs, in the hopes of having a child of her own, just to have it all taken away. It's not just something you can move on from.
You can't guarantee she wasn't going to play the child support card after she had the child. I didn't see the story so I don't know much about it but it does seem like she has other options beyond having your ex-husband's children (sperm donation, etc).
I think whoever the father is has to be 100% on board with it. If her ex isn't willing she shouldn't push it. I do feel badly for her but Ann's right about the repercussions of the whole thing. I can picture the conversation if the mom has any residual feelings towards her ex, "I wanted you but your father didn't."
That's what's really hard for me to wrap my mind around: I understand her wanting to have children and experiencing childbirth, but it's not just about what she wants. She needs to think about those kids and how they're going to feel down the road. Going into having children knowing that the father doesn't want them seems like a very sad, tragic thing for those kids. They might never get over that.
If they are in fact frozen embryos, then they are both involved and if they aren't both on board, I definitely think its a bad idea. Even if he agreed to let her have the baby, it still doesn't seem that he would be into raising the child, so the mom would still have to have the "daddy didn't really want you" talk. Kids can find enough reasons to feel bad about themselves...
And I still feel that if you have enough love to give to a child, you will give it to any child, even if that child doesn't share your blood.
I tracked down the story and honestly I think both of them are wrong in some way. This to me is another big sign that they shouldn't be having children.
I also need to not pass judgement on this because who really knows what all the facts are and the motivation behind things.
Ooo! Boy! I have to put in my 2 cents:)
I can see it both ways. He not wanting to get forced into fatherhood and her wanting to have a child. What I want to know is why did he leave her to begin with? After spending all that time and money to have in vitro, what happened?
The world may never know!
(Tootsie Pop reference;) )
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