I do not like the cone of shame

My mother-in-law was telling us this morning that there's new evidence out there that it's good for you to only eat one meal a day. If that's true, just KILL ME NOW. I have no idea how people do that...heck, I'm up to eating about 4 or 5 times a day now. Once? The heck?

I actually am quite fearful that my GI doctor is going to give me a bunch of dietary restrictions if my scope is bad enough next week. 'Cause even though I don't smoke or drink, even I know there are things I do that don't exactly help with the heartburn. Like, say, drinking pop, considering chocolate to be a food group, throwing fits if I don't get pizza once a week, stuff like that. But, dang, if he tells me I have to cut that stuff out, I won't have any vices left. I'll have to take up shoplifting or cursing a lot. Ugh. What a pain.

Take a bath, hippie!

So Thanksgiving was nice. I definitely bought too big of a turkey for just me and J, but I'm sure the neighborhood raccoons will appreciate it come this weekend. Last week, I had been kicking around the idea of going shopping on Black Friday because I'm generally up at 3 anyway, so why not, right? Well, I decided to go for it, drove over to Target at 6 a.m. on Friday and rediscovered why I'm not too big on Black Friday shopping. That place was packed. Packed, I say! We shoppers were like Pringles with how on top of each other we were. I didn't even try to go into the electronics section, which turned out to be smart because all the good stuff was gone by 6 a.m. anyway. Sweet cracker sandwich. But the good news is that I got some toys for the kids, a new coffee maker for J, and some time to myself. Why I only get time to myself when the sun is down, I don't know, but I'll take it just the same.

Yeah, and I also watched Up 3 times yesterday with Lil J. It is truly a testament to that movie's quality that I watched it 3 times in 10 hours and did NOT want to kill myself. Ahh, Pixar, don't ever change.

Oh, and in medical news, my esophagus is getting scoped next week! I can't wait to see the pictures!

You cut me real deep just now

I saw a house yesterday where the homeowners had both a pumpkin on the porch and a Christmas wreath on the door. And that's just confusing. We have too much decorative flora overlap (or "floverlap," as I like to call it) this time of year. If she'd thrown a cornucopia out there, my head would have exploded. That being said, I am so psyched for Thanksgiving tomorrow! Food! Plus, we get out of work at noon today, so there is just nothing to complain about at all. Man, I love me some Thanksgiving. I could wax poetic for hours about the yams, cranberries, turkey, etc.... But I'll try to restrain myself. Partly because it's not even 9:30 and I'm already hungry for lunch. My nonstop snacking the days I'm home make my days at work particularly difficult, I don't mind saying. This could be a rough morning after all.

Touche, pussycat

With all the viral videos out there on the web these days, this is still my favorite.

People, I still can't believe that Thanksgiving is in less than a week. Ever since Tiny H was born, the days are just flying by! She turned 3 months old yesterday, and I'm still in shock about it. Are she and Lil J going to be teenagers next week? 'Cause that's what it feels like.

All my years of training have prepared me for this moment

I was going through some email yesterday and happened upon some pictures my sister-in-law sent me. They were taken in September at the birthday party for me and two of our nephews. The following one amused me because this is certainly NOT Lil J's usual expression when he sees cake:



In fact, we usually lure him to these get-togethers by telling him that he can see Grandma, Grandpa and CAKE, and he totally goes for it. Maybe he was just mad at how long it was taking me to remove candles. That would make more sense.

Absolutely ri-DONK-ulous, capeche?

Yesterday afternoon, Lil J brought me a VCR tape he wanted to watch, and, lo and behold, it was Fantasia. Not the biopic of the weirdo American Idol winner, but the actual Disney movie from 1940. So I put it in the VCR, and we had a very nice time identifying colors and talking about dancing mushrooms and plants for a while there. Until he got bored. Which, really, doesn't take long when you're almost 2 and watching Fantasia. If I remember right, they rereleased that movie in the theatres when I was a kid, so my Mom and Dad took us all. My parents loved it because they were the kind of people who listened to classical music on the weekends and drove us crazy when we were teenagers, but I remember sitting in that theatre and feeling very confused and BORED OUT OF MY MIND. Even yesterday after Lil J took off to go play with blocks and I stayed in the living room to feed Tiny H, I fast forwarded through the part with the centaurs frolicking to Beethoven's Pastoral Symphony. That movie's a masterpiece, but, dang, it could use a couple car chases in there somewhere.

Dysphagia...it's what's for dinner

I just ate a bagel (my boss was awesome enough to bring them in for us), and now that sucker feels completely stuck in my throat. This started happening over a month ago--whenever I eat, I get the feeling that the meal is hanging out near my voicebox for about a half hour afterwards. I went to our doctor about it ('cause I don't play when it comes to throat problems, thank you very much), and I have an appointment with a gastroenterologist in a couple weeks. The doctor seems to think that all the heartburn I had with the pregnancies caused scar tissue to form in my esophagus, so now it's not working right. Fantastic. From what I can tell on the internet, they'll probably want to scope me (whoo!) and give me anti-heartburn drugs to help things out. But, really, if it's scar tissue, it's not like they can actually fix it. I'm wondering what it would be like to live on a liquid diet. I think I'd miss pizza and cookies, but, then again, I'm a big fan of pop, so it might not be too bad. Of course, the whole liquid diet scenario is only if things are really bad, so, for now, I'll have to come up with other ways to lose weight. Like exercise and a good diet. Boring!