I'm not as think as you drunk I am

I just added it up in my head, and I think I actually spent about 19.5 hours this weekend watching football on tv. Daaaang. And to think I even found time in there to eat half of a chocolate chip cookie cake from Walmart. Seriously, people, it's amazing to me sometimes that I don't weigh 300 pounds because I'm really asking for it.

I heard yesterday that some of the family members at the party on Saturday night were up until like 4 a.m. dancing, singing and holding pull-up contests in the basement. Now I'm sort of sad we left as early as we did because that would have been pretty hilarious. Not that I would have been able to stay awake that late, but I'm sure J would have woken me up for the good stuff.

I'm not a witch, I'm your wife!

Oh man, Ohio State whomped all over Minnesota yesterday! 44 to zip. I feel as though our number one ranking is safe this week. I was sad to see the Gamecocks came close to beating Tennessee but ultimately lost, and I'm really surprised the USC Trojans lost to Oregon State. When I think "football powerhouse," I do not generally think "Oregon State Beavers." But life is full of surprises, isn't it?

We also had a good time at the family birthday party last night although it was hard because one of my inlaws called me by J's ex-wife's name. And I'm not quite sure why that hurt so much because it was obviously just a slip of the tongue, but it did. There are days when I can understand why people meet a boyfriend/girlfriend in middle school and stick with them for 70 years. It's a lot simpler that way.

Gourd Head

The good news is that I am feeling much, much better today. Thank goodness! Don't you just love how well pharmaceuticals work? Yes, they can be pretty expensive and give you pretty awful side effects like numbness in the extremities, but I'll take all that if it means I don't have to have my head in a toilet anymore. Word.

I'm excited that it's the weekend now, too! Yay! We have a family birthday party tomorrow and we'll be watching the Buckeyes take on the Golden Gophers (can I just add that that has got to be one of my favorite mascot names ever?), but I think a lot of the weekend will be spent sliding around the wood floors in the house in my fuzzy socks. It's the little things, people. The little things.

I could use a Dr. Pepper

Does it seem strange to anybody else that there was another island on Lost this whole time and nobody noticed it? And I have a suspicion that the x-ray with the spinal tumor might belong to Locke, not Ben. It would explain the paralysis and how he can walk now, for one thing. But it was a good episode last night. I was actually home sick yesterday and I'm still not feeling so hot right now. I am totally falling apart. Look! My ear just fell off! Argh!

It might be a tumor...

Ugh. I have had a pounding headache in my right temple for approximately 25 hours straight now, and, for once, I'm not exaggerating. I went home from work yesterday because it hurt so bad, tried a bunch of different medicines, napped, J put a hot towel on my head, and nothing helps. I am happy I actually slept last night because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to, but this is getting ridiculous. I think it's a sinus-related headache because it's sitting in my temple and next to my nose, but the pain is also radiating down into my neck and right shoulder, so I'm quite uncomfortable. It's days like this that make me wish I was a robot.

I did watch Heroes last night and thought it was really good! I love how all the characters are starting to intersect now. Although watching love scenes with Greg Grunberg (sp?) are not my idea of a good time. He's cute and all, but he's the kind of guy you call a "hunk" in a bad way, you know?

Shake it off

I don't know if J and I both have a case of asymptomatic mono or what, but we both napped again yesterday afternoon for almost an hour! We are so old!

We also made the mistake of watching Halloween on tv last night, so it took me about half an hour to calm down and realize that no serial killers were living in my bedroom closet. I was thinking about that movie this morning, and I concluded that if that same movie were made today, there would be a heck of a lot more blood. It's actually not that gory by today's standards. He strangles two girls and the stabbings are surprisingly clean. And, frankly, I'm all for that. I think these movies like Saw and Hostel are a little too gross. I may be sounding old again, but I really don't need to see eyeballs being gouged out, thank you very much. I actually think Mariah Carey in a bathing suit is far more frightening anyway.

Jam on

This is remarkable for me: I napped TWICE yesterday. Twice! That tells me that I am simply not getting enough rest during the week if my Saturday is spent passing out on the couch. Wouldn't it be nice if you could walk up to your boss, slap 'em on the back and say "You know, I'm going to be coming in for 6 hours a day from now on, but I'm going to need about a 20% raise" and they nodded and smiled amicably, and everything was right in the world? Yeah, that would be sweet.

And I want to give you all fair warning. Tomorrow the high here is only 44 degrees, so my post tomorrow will probably be along the lines as such: Brrr.

stanley@yearlypretzel.com

There are just not words to describe how much I love The Office. I was quite satisfied just seeing Dwight and Mose's beet farm (finally!) and watching the egging of the office building that rejected Ryan. But then the phone call between Jim and Pam was so cute. Ahhhh. I really hope those kids make it happen one day.

I woke up around 3 this morning and never really fell back asleep. I think I must have gotten in a short nap around 5 because I remember dreaming about having to find a prosthetic hand for Matthew Perry (before you ask, no, I have no idea), but I'm going to be dragging today, I guarantee it. But at least it's Friday and I don't have to worry about waking up on time tomorrow. Heck, I might just sleep in until 6:30! Look out!

And I am feeling guilty today because yesterday was my brother's birthday and I forgot to call him. Whoops! I sent him a book and a card in the mail, but I've found that I tend to forget people's actually birth day when I send gifts like that because my brain seems to think its work is done. Stupid brain.

We be big pimpin'

We think there was another shooting on our street last night a few blocks up. We heard this loud "Pop! Pop!" after 11 and J heard people talking on the street about a gun going off. But there was nothing about it on the news this morning, which means either a) some yahoo was just shooting his gun into the air for fun, cowboy style, b) the neighbors got into a fight over NASCAR and didn't want to talk about it once the cops got there, or c) somebody shot a drug dealer and covered the whole thing up. I'm leaning towards a or b.

Lost was good last night! I'm intrigued by this thing with Desmond knowing what John was going to say. And it was nice to see Boone again. I thought it was funny that his "spirit" there was still annoyed with John for getting him into the plane. Heh. And I stayed up to watch the finale of Project Runway, too. Ugh. Why did Jeffrey have to win? I understand their choice (although I personally liked Uli's style better), but what the heck happened to Michael?? His clothes in the challenges were all so pretty and classy, and then his runway collection went totally skankified on us. What the?

Do YOU know the muffin man?

I'm starting to feel desperate. It's Wednesday, and I still don't have a plan to watch the OSU game on Saturday! Argh! Ok, be honest, can I pass for Coach Tressel if I put on a sweater vest and glasses? Be honest!

I've been thinking a lot the past couple days about Christmas. As much as I'm looking forward to the holidays for the get-togethers, the food, the time off from work, I'm already stressing about what to buy the nephews. We'll have 7 on my side by then, and then J's got at least two on his side that we'll buy presents for. And, I'm just going to admit it, I have no idea what to buy children. I'm always glad when our siblings provide lists, but even then it's still hard. I'm just not around them enough to know what they like to play with. My first instinct is to buy them candy, but that seems to annoy my siblings. But, c'mon, they've still got their baby teeth, so why not rot them out before we have to get dentists involved? That's what I'm saying. So if anybody has some good suggestions for toddler/baby gifts, I'm all ears.

Gonzo grape

I had a dream last night that we were out of Ziploc baggies in our house. My dreams used to be a lot more interesting than that. I think I need a vacation.

I liked Heroes last night, although I'm starting to really detest that politician sleazeball. I was also slightly disappointed in Hiro for cheating at gambling, but that scene at the end where he showed up to Peter in the subway was awesome. And I'm glad Claire crashed the jackhole quarterback's car with him in it. Every time that guy showed up on screen, I would yell at the tv "Rip his balls off!" I can be surprisingly vicious when it comes to fictional jackholes on tv, I'll have you know.

Hey, and if anybody just happens to run across two tickets to the Ohio State vs. Indiana game this weekend, be sure to keep me in mind. They're not showing it on tv here for some reason, so I either need to find tickets or figure out a way to hijack a blimp.

Sleep?! That's where I'm a viking!

I've already seen a couple pictures from Rebecca's wedding on Arisa's blog, and it looks like everybody had a good time this weekend! I love looking at pictures from weddings. It's always interesting to see how everyone cleans up so nice, and then there's always those couple people who are completely wasted and incredibly entertaining. I've never had to endure this myself, but I hear there are actually people out there who throw weddings without alcohol. Gasp! Why would you do that? Are you trying to get people to leave early?

I actually wasn't feeling too great this weekend (just a minor cold, I think), but I still managed to find a nice jacket at a thrift store for 99 cents. The tag said it was $9.99, but the cashier rung up $.99. Because I try to be a good person to get into heaven, I pointed out to her that she left out a 9, and she conspiratorially leaned over to me and said "I already rang it up. If you don't tell, I won't." So I was like "Ok!" St. Peter can't say I didn't try.

What the flurry

We actually had flurries here in the afternoon yesterday. But I'm almost glad because I'm not sure J would have turned on the heat last night unless he'd had actual proof that it was getting cold outside. My pronouncements that "the weatherman says it's getting down to 30 tonight!" seem to fly right over his head. Honestly, I'm not sure if he doesn't trust me or the meteorological society as a whole. Huh.

Loved The Office last night! I keep thinking about Ryan's poor cousin, Mufasa, who was trampled by a herd of wildebeests, and tears keep coming to my eyes. Sniff. And I totally understand that girl's depression at not having salt and vinegar potato chips in the vending machine. I don't eat salt and vinegar chips all the time, but, man, when I get a craving for them, you had better watch out! I will take down the vending machine man myself to get to them. Unless, of course, they're Pringles salt and vinegar chips. Those are no match for Cape Cod chips, I don't mind saying.

I love a good tasing

First off, I seriously doubt that a woman who's been trapped on a desert island for over 2 months tastes like strawberries. Even though she's had a few showers, she just swung a pickax for hours. Unless she managed to smuggle in some Bubblicious from the hatch, that just doesn't strike me as realistic. I did think Lost was good last night. I was disappointed in Sun, but I think I just need to get used to that feeling as we learn more about the characters. I was pretty surprised when that dude took a header off his balcony, too. Jin seemed to take it all in stride though. "I'm exhausted from beating up that baldie, I'd love a cup of tea, and now a torso is in my radiator. Another day, another dollar."

Also, people, it was about 36 degrees on the way to work this morning. J says that on cold mornings like this, I resemble a chihuahua at a house party when I'm sitting in the car. Shivering is a natural defense against the cold! It is!

Thunderbolts and lightning, very, very frightening

Man, it is storming like a mofo out there right now! It seems way too early in the morning for all this thunder and lightning. Makes me wonder how bad it's going to get this afternoon. Poor Wubby will probably have lost all his hair from the stress by the time we get home. Well, not really. He actually deals with storms pretty well. His usual coping mechanism for any stressful situation is to go upstairs, crawl onto our bed underneath the comforter and just sleep for a couple hours. I need to adopt this practice, as well. I can just picture myself sitting here at my desk in my chair with a fuzzy blanket draped over my head. That'll keep people from bugging me. It's the perfect plan!

That show is like a twig in MY brain stem

Well, thank you very much, Heroes, for grossing me out right before I went to bed last night. That last scene with the cheerleader ain't leaving my brain anytime soon. Gah. That scene where the football player attacked her was awful, too. I kept yelling "Tear his head off! Tear his head off!" but finally I realized she's not super strong, she just heals quickly. And that is why, at some point, someone will give her an adamantium skeleton so she can start kicking some serious tail. Wow, I am such a geek.

They had a report on the Today show this morning about a survey USA Today did where they asked CEOs of major corporations if they were spanked. I think that's a generational issue, mostly. I wasn't spanked regularly when I was a kid. My Mom never once laid a hand on me. But one time my Dad got mad at me, my older sister and brother and gave us all spankings when I was probably about 6. I was mad at him for that until I was about 16. They could have made that movie The Grudge about me, I swear.

Attack the inside running game!

Unless Denver somehow manages to keep the Baltimore offense to less than 7 points tonight and recover a dozen fumbles, I'm going to lose to my brother in fantasy football this week. I hate losing to my brother. Is it not enough that he was the only one in the family who inherited the science gene and will therefore probably be the one to win the Nobel Prize out of me and my sisters??? Unless, of course, I finally manage to write the definitive tome on how Skittles will put an end to strife and hunger in the world and I get the Peace Prize. It could happen. I'm still young.

Even though the high today is about 78, the weather people are saying we could get snow flurries on Thursday night because of it getting down to 30. Tshirts on Monday, parkas on Friday. That is so odd.

Laugh it up, Fuzzball

J and I went out last night after watching the OSU game to get a couple sandwiches (because J wanted egg salad, and I was just NOT putting that much effort into dinner after I just worked 4 hours at the library). So we get home and smell something untoward in the living room and kitchen. Turns out, the Wubby J had a nasty spell of diarrhea while we were gone. Ewww. It's pretty understandable because he's been taking medications and eating food he's not used to, but, man, was that gross to clean up. I am so very thankful that J had a mini-steam cleaner in the house. Wow.

Fashion show at lunch!

I got on a kick this morning doing my impression of Jimmy Stewart's Smuckers commercials that were on tv a decade ago. There's nothing like yelling "Smucker Raspberry Preserves!" in Jimmy's voice at the top of your lungs in a locked car to get you going in the morning. Poor J didn't really know what I was doing because he never saw those commercials, but eventually he joined right in and started imitating the Wicked Witch of the West and saying "Smuckers will put them to sleep!" It's gonna be one heck of a day.

I have this afternoon off since I have to work tomorrow, so I figure I'll go to the gym and do some shopping, too. I wish I had taped The Office last night so I could watch it again today. It was pretty funny. The way Dwight ate his pancakes had me laughing really hard, and Michael's face as he tricked Dwight into thinking he got his job was hilarious. I just sort of wish now that I worked in an office where everybody played Call of Duty 2 on their computers. I can't even get the other people here to send emails to each other. Sigh.

You want a fish biscuit?

I hate to sound like a pessimistic Polly here, but I was underwhelmed by last night's Lost premiere. We still don't know what the Others are up to, there weren't any big reveals, it wasn't particularly emotional...I mean, I did like the "the bears figured it out in two days" and "how many of them were there?" exchange, but overall, I'm getting a little bored with it. I feel like such a traitor for even thinking such a thing! Maybe I was just in a foul mood last night because the Wubby was so mad at us. His tooth extraction went fine, and he seems to be recovering ok, but, man alive, was he hungry when he got home! He raced over to his food dish and paced around until I put it out for him. And he's acted quite put out ever since. We have to keep giving him these liquid painkillers, and he does not like that at all. He'll flail around and try to wrench his head backwards rather than take this stuff. It must taste like death or something. Me, I'm all for painkillers, I don't care if they taste of burnt chalk. But I guess his walnut-sized brain isn't making the connection between getting the liquid and feeling better. I just hope he's in a better mood tonight because I'm starting to take it personally when he sees me coming and runs away. That's no good for my self-esteem.

Rock on with your bad self.

I had to get up at 5:50 this morning so we could take the Wubby J. to the vet to get his canine pulled. He's going to be there all day, so I imagine that when we go pick him up after work, he's going to be quite pissed off at us. Quite. We also couldn't give him any food after 7 last night, so this morning when I went down into the kitchen, he walked over to where his food bowl usually is, looked at the empty space and looked up directly into my eyes as if to say "Woman, you had better stop playing." But then when we put him in his cat carrier and drove to the vet's, he just seemed so scared. I hope he's able to forget about this day when it's over. I mean, sure, he'll be missing one of his fangs, but he may not even notice. I think it'll actually give him some street cred because he can tell the other cats in the neighborhood that he lost his tooth in a rumble.

And now I am off to get to work on cup of coffee number two. I think I might break my personal record of three cups of coffee in one day today. I'm number one!

San Diegoans

I just realized I forgot to watch Heroes on tv last night because I was upstairs reading and I lost track of time. And by "lost track of time," I mean I "fell asleep with a book on my nose at 9:15." I am such a loser!

I have an eye doctor's appointment this afternoon that I am NOT looking forward to. Not only are my contacts very uncomfortable right now, but I'm going to the doctor who likes to keep me in the office for two hours lecturing me about conservative politics. Fantastic. He's a really nice man and he's obviously very well-versed in a lot of issues, but (as I've said before) sitting in a dark room with your corneas undergoing a chemical fire is not the best time to get into a debate about economics. I've actually found myself saying things to him like "Oh yeah, those Japanese in Nagasaki deserved it" just to get out of the room. Call me a sellout, but you don't know the pain of multiple ocular burns. You don't!

cookie monster

Ughhhh, I ate too many Mallomars yesterday. I was just so happy to see Mallomars at the store because I've never seen them in Ohio before. So I went a trifle overboard and ate like half the package yesterday. They're just so good. Very similar to pinwheel cookies, but better somehow. Like how Little Debbie makes Swiss cake rolls, but they're just not the same as a Hostess ho-ho.

Did anyone see that news story about the Congressman from Florida who was caught sending gross emails to teenage pages? What a disgusting perv. And then we find out this is the same guy who was on the Missing and Exploited Children caucus in Congress. That kind of makes me want to puke. Dude, those caucuses are not dating services! Ugh. I'm just going to say it: I kind of want to punch that guy in the nads. I won't. But I want to.

It was gorge-ous! Get it? GORGE-ous? Ha!

I had a lovely birthday. On Thursday night, we went to Cheesecake Factory for dinner and had a wonderful time. We both got steak and a slice of cheesecake for dessert. J got a superlative coconut chocolate cheesecake, and I partook of a particularly exquisite dutch apple streusel cheesecake. That sucker was loaded down with apple slices and cinnamon. Mmm. I need to go back and get that again. And Friday we had the day off so we went and got my remote car starter installed (a device, we have since discovered, that scares small children...exxxxcellent). We also went down to Hocking Hills and hiked in Old Man's Cave park. That was so cool! I've never been down to that part of Ohio before, and that gorge was something else. I'm always happy to do outdoorsy things with J because he's very knowledgeable about that stuff. Me, I hear a twig snap and I automatically think a bear's about to eat me, but J calms me down and reassures me that it was just a chipmunk and they're highly unlikely to cause permanent physical damage. But the emotional scars last a lifetime....