I gotta stop reading so much

I am currently reading two books: the Pride and Prejudice meets zombies novel and another Victorian murder mystery. One's at home and one's at work, so I just read either one whenever I have a few minutes. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies is pretty hilarious, but this mystery is actually sort of upsetting. The focus of this one is the plight of orphaned children in mid-19th century London, and how many of them wound up homeless, starving and exploited in the sex trade. It's just plain depressing. And I'm pretty sure I would have found this depressing before I had Lil J, but it's even worse now, thinking about someone so innocent ultimately being forced into a life like that. Ugh. I know life in America right now isn't perfect, but, man, I'm glad we at least have agencies and programs set up to help kids if they can be found. People in our old neighborhood used to complain about Children's Services all the time (because, what a surprise, they were AWFUL parents), but, really? You really think people are better off without an agency that at least makes an attempt to intervene on behalf of innocent children? And these workers still keep trying even when a kid falls through the cracks and gets killed by their mom's 17-year-old boyfriend? Horrible stuff. Good grief, I need a drink.

Resistance is futile

I wish somebody could figure out a way to get the Gosselins to stop talking about their lives in public. Please, for the love of all that is good, send the tv cameras away, put down the pen for your tell-all book and refuse calls from People magazine. This has ceased to be entertaining. Was it cute when I caught an episode of their show a while back and saw the 8 kids feeding chickens on a farm? Sure. Is it cute to hear how money-grubbing, petty and weak the parents are in real life? Not so much.

I also wish somebody could develop a way to convert human fat into a fuel for cars and the home. We could live off my Zingers addiction all winter long.

And, finally, I wish for world peace and a good sandwich for lunch today. That is all.

You are a sad, strange little man

I went to the OB's office yesterday for my monthly checkup, and my blood pressure was 102/50. I don't think she needs to worry about me developing pre-eclampsia so much as me passing out during delivery. Righteous. Ooh, but next week I have my glucose test, my Rhogam shot AND my blood work done. I would not be at all surprised if my iron is low, but I'm really hoping I don't have the gestational diabetes. My current diet consists of about 95% carbs, so that would really cramp my style for the next three months.

We had a nice Memorial Day. On Sunday, we went to J's brother's house for a cookout, and my sister-in-law surprised us with this for Lil J:She got it from a neighbor that was going to throw it out, and once J did a minor repair on it, it works fine, so we got a total deal there. But Lil J LOVES this thing. He can't pedal it yet, but he can steer it, so he comes careening down the driveway and drives off down the sidewalk before you know what happened. Good preparation for when he turns 16.

Come to me, my jungle friends

One of the many things Lil J and I have in common is our love for rainbow sherbet. We share bowls of it all the time. So last night after dinner, I asked him if he wanted any (and he actually turned me down...I think it was because he overloaded on mashed potatoes), and J pointed out that Lil J is going to be the only kid in the world who actually pronounces it "sherbet" instead of "sherbert." And I said "Well, it's supposed to be pronounced 'sherbet' because the other way is WRONG," and J just sort of shook his head in that sad way, like I'm dooming the kid to nerdhood because I'm not throwing consonants around where they don't belong. I also don't tell Lil J to go eat "dronuts" or throw me a "brasketball" either, so why would I pronounce it "sherbert?" I refuse to dumb it down just to fit in! I may not have been popular in high school, but at least I didn't say "supposively!"

She could definitely tear your jaw off

I'm doing Japanese paintings now, and I discovered something that explains the appearances of the ghosts in The Grudge. Freaky: And this is a closeup of her face:She need some bronzer stat! This was painted in the early 19th century by two artists named Goshun and Matsumura Keibun. I bet they had no idea they'd inspire a hokey horror movie 200 years later.

Now bring me some Twinkies, dang it

The past two days, I've been scanning dozens of Chinese paintings for a professor, and, let me tell you, once you have seen about 30 Chinese landscape paintings, they all start to look alike. Sure, they're all very well-done and beautiful but in a repetitive sort of way. And I have about 300 more to do. Good grief. I've started scouring the images to see if the artists put any chimpanzees in diapers in the trees like some sort of 16th century Where's Waldo. Haven't found one yet.

I got an email from my Mom this morning that (probably inadvertently) sounded like she was warning me not to get fat. Ok, to anybody out there that's tempted to call me "big" right now: I am not fat. I am 7 months pregnant. There is a difference. And I reserve the right to point out flaws in your hair, body, and general disposition if you insist on calling me "big." Don't say I didn't warn you.

This burrito is delish, but it is filling!

Lil J had an ENT appointment this morning, and all went well. Yay! The doctor wants to scope him sometime in the next few months to make sure his hemangioma is still shrinking, but we can deal with that. Lil J's big enough now that he won't have to go in ICU afterwards, which is a big relief.

I got to see last night's The Office this morning. Awww! I don't want to ruin it for anybody, but...well...awwww!

I'm not sure what we'll end up doing this weekend, but we're considering going to our local herb festival tomorrow if the weather is nice. Apparently, our suburb considers itself the Herb Capital of Ohio, which is pretty funny when you think about some of the less legal herbs out there. But I think that might be a fun way to spend the afternoon: looking at necklaces made of basil and pies made of thyme. Maybe they'll have some fennel cakes (har dee har).

Where is Grandpa's automobile?

I'm so confused. I watched Lost on the DVR this morning (and I feel obligated to point out I've been up since 2 this morning...honestly, I only tell you this because I'm amazed by it myself), and I have no idea what's going on anymore. I have developed a theory that not-dead Locke (a.ka. the guy from the first scene with Jacob) is also the smoke monster, the Christian Shepherd apparition AND Amelia Earhart. I have the feeling that Jacob and Mr. Loophole are some sort of yin/yang, light/dark god-like brothers or something. But dang if I wasn't disappointed to see Jacob go at the end. I feel like we were just getting to know him. I guess all I can say is that it's going to be a long wait until January. Not as perplexing, but long nonetheless.

I'm giving my final exam to the history of design class tonight. Best thing about that? I can just sit there and zone out while they take it. Sweet.

How do you please to these charges?

I took Lil J to Chick-fil-a yesterday so he could play on their indoor tree house, and I'm noticing a disturbing trend whenever I take him to these public indoor play areas: jerky kids. Yesterday, there were two 4-year-old girls in there at the same time, and one of them was very sweet and kind, but the other was a bossy, mean little banshee. Both girls got in the tree house (which was for kids under 3, let me just say) and when Lil J tried to say "hi" and get in there with them, the twee banshee screamed at him. So he ran over to me, and (because I had had it with that little troll) I said to her "Do not scream at him" and she actually sassed me back and said "This is OUR house," to which I replied "No, it's everyone's house." And she was fine after that, but could someone explain to me how a 4-year-old is already that bossy, territorial and mean to a child that much smaller than her? And in comparison to the other girl her age, the differences were so acute. It just really made me wonder what the she-goblin's parents have done wrong...cause I don't want to repeat them. And I'm wondering very much how her parents would have reacted if they'd heard me talk to their daughter like that. Hmmm.

You cannot steal what is legally your property

I was dreaming about zombies again last night. I was up from about 2 to 4:30, so I went downstairs, did some dishes, watched The Office, 30 Rock and some of the Cavaliers/Hawks game (which, let me tell you, was a dehumanizing defeat for the Hawks. It looked like the Cavaliers playing my 8th grade basketball team on national tv...just sad), and then went back up to bed. I think going back to sleep that late at night made me have some really vivid dreams because I clearly remember hiding out in a London conservatory, a female zombie reaching through the windows, then running away and getting bitten in the leg by a male zombie in Hyde Park. Honestly, I don't think it's the zombies that scare me so much as the idea of being eaten alive. I never should have had that conversation yesterday afternoon with one of my old student workers about being eaten by a bear. I gotta stop doing that.

Click it or ticket

I hate having to make life decisions. I'm so much happier when things just sort of happen. I'm feeling very conflicted about some work issues right now, and, when I think about these issues, I feel like my brain clouds up and I can't really think or see straight. I hate that feeling. I thrive on clarity...which may sound surprising to people who, you know, hear me talk, but it's really true. I readily accept that the world is full of shades of gray, ambiguous situations, etc..., but I need to feel that in the midst of all that chaos, I at least have a good handle on what I'm doing with myself. So this not knowing what to do makes me very uncomfortable. I wonder if one day I'm just going to lose it and wind up lecturing the patrons of our local Speedway about the nature of the universe while the staff tries to think of a polite way to tell me to "beat it." I'm on an express elevator to Crazytown, people! Whoo!

The low rider drives a little slower

On Sunday, we headed out to Lowe's and Target to pick up some stuff for the house. I don't know why exactly, but after walking around Lowe's for half an hour, the ol' belly started to feel really heavy and uncomfortable. So I'm limping around, trying to keep up with Lil J and wishing I'd gotten one of those belly slings for the enormously pregnant [...well, not really. If I'd really wanted one, I'd have bought it. I just can't stomach (ha!) the idea of needing a sling for my body parts unless something's actually broken. It seems...I don't know...ultra-wussy]. So as we're walking into Target after Lowe's, J saw how pitiful I looked and insisted I drive one of those motorized scooters through the store. And I was so tired that I did it. People, let me tell you something, those things are awesome! Sure, you feel silly for the first couple minutes, but after that, it's so much fun! It's like driving a golf cart in a store. Genius! It gets a little hard when you let a 16-month-old sit in your lap and he wants to keep putting it in reverse and almost mows down a couple kindergarteners, but, other than that, I would totally do it again. In fact, I wish I had one right now so I could drive to the break room and get some coffee cake.

I refuse to wear clothing or jewelry with my name on it

Check this out: I've been up since 3 this morning, so I went downstairs and watched Lost, The Office and 30 Rock on the DVR until 5. I feel like I've got entertainment overload. Lost was nuts. I don't want to ruin anything for anyone who hasn't seen it yet, so stop reading if you haven't, but is Dan really dead? That was a shocker! Never should have gone into that camp with a raised gun. They don't call them "hostiles" for nothing there, Brainiac. I didn't find The Office particularly hilarious, but 30 Rock killed me as usual. Love the Jack Donaghy, love the Liz Lemon, love the Tracy Jordan, but I kind of wish they'd cool it with the Jenna storylines. As opposed to the other characters, she's really irritating without much charm. I remember telling Hannah one time about a coworker who was both incredibly mean to people and quite offensive to the senses, and she said "Really, she ought to pick just one." I think that's a good rule of thumb. If you're going to be super-ugly, at least try to bring in cupcakes once in a while. That's all I'm saying.