Jabba no wonga

You know, I seriously can't remember the last time I put on all my makeup. I suspect it was about two and a half weeks ago though. I haven't looked this low-maintenance for such a prolonged period of time since I went to Girl Scout camp for a week in fourth grade. I even caught myself running to the grocery store in lounge pants yesterday. Not pretty. But at least in this neighborhood, I'm fitting right in. I was always such an outsider with my childless status and zippered pants. Seriously though, I'm totally understanding now all those things moms had told me that I never really got: the luxury that is a shower, the emotional toll of changing 12 diapers a day, finding oneself yelling at guests on Dr. Phil...it's all here. And the really scary part is that J is going back to work on Wednesday. I figure that by Friday, I'll look like Jabba the Hut with a ponytail.

Right you are, Ken

I'm delirious. We were very relieved to hear from our pediatrician that Lil' J's jaundice is almost gone and I could start nursing again yesterday afternoon. Unfortunately, that also meant the little guy wanted to nurse about every 90 minutes last night. And considering that he nurses about 40 minutes each session, that left me 50 minutes to sleep. Which, of course, didn't happen because he was fussy most of the night, too. Wow. He does seem to be getting used to it today though. He's going longer between feedings and acting more like his normal, calm self. But, man, I am so looking forward to a nap. What is today anyway? Friday? Is it 2008 yet?

Get in the car, Ralphie

I know I wasn't real great about getting out Christmas cards and gifts this year due to the fact that I was getting out a HUMAN BEING (heh), but I wanted to wish everybody a very Merry Christmas, Joyous Kwanzaa or Happy Hannukah!! I hope you're all happy and healthy this holiday! And be sure to tune in to TNT to watch A Christmas Story at least once. That movie is a classic. "Fra-gee-lay! It's Italian!"

Reproduction complete

Man, it is crazy to think that a week ago, I was getting ready to give birth! It's been a really awesome week being home with Lil J. He's been doing very well. He sleeps a lot and eats a lot and makes adorable faces and sounds. He's actually been a little jaundiced, so this weekend we're bottle-feeding him formula (which is why I have a couple minutes to post--J's doing the feeding), but hopefully I can get back to nursing him on Monday if the doctor says it's ok.

The birth went really well. I was so surprised when my water broke two whole weeks early. We went to the hospital about 5:30 a.m. last Saturday and by 2 p.m., we had our early Christmas present. And thank goodness for epidurals, that's all I'm saying. They gave me pitocin since my water had broken but my contractions weren't coming on very strong, so once they did kick in, man, did that hurt. But I'm glad the whole process only took 10 hours and that he came out so healthy.

I'm still a little sore and I'm tired from waking up so much at night, but I'm not as tired as I thought I'd be. I think all those years of insomnia are really paying off now. Score!

Check out the picture:

And a Wubby in a pear tree

I actually got 5 whole hours of uninterrupted sleep last night because there were no dogs barking or crying in our neighbor's yard. Of course, it wasn't snowing or raining, so they had no reason to put the dogs outside. Freakin' lunatics.

It's going to be a day of parties. We've got a going-away lunch for one of my coworkers, and then after work is the school's holiday party. It was pretty sweet to wake up this morning and realize that once I poured the cereal into our bowls, I was done with cooking for the day. Score! I think the lunch will go fine, but I'm curious to see how the work party goes. They keep moving it around every year to try to find the perfect venue, so you never know if you're going to end up crushed into the corner of some swanky Chinese restaurant, or skipping around an empty warehouse eating Chex Mix out of a plastic bowl. This year's is at a pizza place, which sounds fine to me. I'd much rather have dozens of cheap pizzas to eat than that one year when all they had was an egg roll and a spare rib. That was disappointing.

No disassemble!

So last night, the neighbors brought in the pit bull puppy and put out the saint bernard in the freezing rain, so he was barking from about 3 to 3:30 in the morning. And, let me tell you, that's no "yip" that dog does--it's a "WOOF!" I really wish somebody would explain these people to me. Who brings the dogs inside when the weather's nice and then puts them out when it's 30 degrees and raining at night? Who does that? You know, I'm not saying anything here, but my Dad used to joke that he was in the Polish Mafia, and there are times when I wish that had been true. Because I can think of some kneecaps I would not mind broken right now. I'm not saying anyone's in particular. I'm just saying. Doo de doo de doo.

Also, I may not have done much last night in terms of things like cooking or cleaning or overall activity, but, boy, did I lie on the couch and read and watch DVDs. It was so nice. I think that's going to be my game plan until the baby gets here: couch, book, DVD. Right on.

I see salt, but is there a salt substitute?

I had all these grand plans to go home last night and finish the mystery I've been reading, watch a DVD I borrowed from a friend at work, bake a dozen cookies and decorate them in Byzantine-inspired Christmas designs, etc.... And what happened? I passed out at 7:30, slept until 10, then fell back asleep at midnight and woke up at 3. What happened to my evening? I swear, at 7:30, I took off my glasses and told myself "Ok, you're just going to sleep for 20 minutes so you can get some rest but still get things done tonight," and my brain was like "Ta ha! Think again, Exlax!" And the funny thing is that I suppose I could have gotten some stuff done between 10 and 12 or 3 and 6, but, dang, who wants to do anything at that time of night? Besides, I was too busy listening to the puppy cry in our neighbor's yard. Those people put their pit bull puppy out at night in the cold rain, let it cry for a good three hours and then finally let it in to the house when I get up to take a shower. What jerks. I hope that dog bites them when it gets older.

It's the most Wubbyful time of the year

I just got back from the OB's, and, after that office visit and the trip to the hospital last night, let me just state for the record that I would appreciate it very much, Mother Nature, if we have a couple days in a row here where NOTHING HAPPENS. Heh. I really am starting to walk like an old man now. And I know it's because I've had three pelvic exams in the last 15 hours and Lil' J still has his head directly on my bladder, but still. I would very much like to just go home tonight, lie down on the couch and let the uterus relax. Relax, uterus! Or, if you only understand French, "relaxez-vous utere!" [I don't know if that's really French. I'm totally making that up]. But, really, things are fine today. For some reason, I'm very much wishing I had a sausage biscuit with mustard. Mmm...spicy condiments.

I still want a huuuuuula hoooooop

I know I'm officially in a Christmas state of mind because I started wearing my Christmas socks this weekend. Today's pair are gray and covered with tiny red and white Santas. Santa socks! And I'm not even about flossing (is that what the kids say for "bragging" these days? "Flossing?" I don't know slang) my socks--I'm usually wearing boots in the winter so nobody else can even see them. For me, it's more about the personal joy I get from knowing I'm wearing snowman socks. It's sort of like when you're wearing fun underwear just for the heck of it. Funderwear!

Also, I can't get the Chipmunk Song out of my head. I saw a news story on tv yesterday about the history of Alvin, Simon and Theodore, and now I can't get the sound of those high-pitched voices singing "Christmas, Christmas time is near. Time for hope and time for cheer..." out of my head. You know, actually, I don't know if those are even the correct lyrics. I guess my ears lose sensitivity for details at such a high octave. Meh, close enough.

There are decaf brands on the market that are just as tasty as the real thing

I had a dream last night that my hair was going really gray, and I was freaking out in the dream because it was making me feel so old. And I know this fear has gotten lodged into my subconscious because, in real life, I found my first gray hair a couple weeks ago. And then I started looking and found another one, but that was it, so things definitely aren't at DEFCON 1, but it was still kind of surprising. And I have this sneaking suspicion that it's the pregnancy that caused the gray hairs. I feel like I've been really, really lucky in life that I've always had my family to fall back on if I had a problem, and I've always had great friends who were very supportive who would also help me out if I needed it. But now it has started to hit me that I am going to be that person (or one of those people, really) for Lil' J, and, occasionally, the enormity of that hits me and I start to sweat and hyperventilate and start praying that I don't screw up too huge. But I'll keep telling myself that I still have people to fall back on, things will probably be fine, and Clairol makes some really wonderful hair dye these days. Thank goodness for the cosmetics people, that's all I'm saying.

Like the fru-its of the devil, eviiiiiiil

I made the ultimate sacrifice last night and watched an episode of Ultimate Fighting Champion with J instead of the first half hour of Project Runway. I really wish somebody could explain to me this male fascination with beating the tar out of each other. You just don't encounter a lot of women who willingly let people give them brain damage for money. And you can seriously tell some of these guys' brain damage is already causing symptoms. If I heard the words "dude," "bro," or "f*#@" one more time in that episode last night, I was going to scream. Which reminds me, there's this kid who comes into our library sometimes to visit one of our student workers, and he (I'm not exaggerating here) says "like" every other word whenever he talks. I have to leave when I see him coming because I am so close to telling him he sounds like an idiot. We all say the occasional "like," "dude" or "you know," but these people barely sound human. I do believe monkeys would sound smarter than that if they had the vocal cord capacity.

Pregnant man gives birth

This is a picture I took about an hour ago of J shoveling our driveway. Yeah. It snowed that much last night and it was still snowing when we got to work! And as beautiful and serene as all the white stuff is, I keep thinking to myself "Please don't let it be like this when I go into labor. Please don't let it be like this when I go into labor." Because those roads out there were pretty treacherous. I was looking at the traffic cams on tv and some of the highways were completely blocked because of accidents. Gah.

I'd also like to point out the car that's in the right side of the picture. Did you know the ratio of Monte Carlos to residents in our neighborhood is 3:1? That's a fact.

Warning: I'm going to discuss Heroes

Argh! I can't believe Nathan got shot! He's one of my favorite characters! I really hope they're not killing him off for good. The scenes between him and Peter Petrelli (notice how you can't just say "Peter?" It's so much more fun to say "Peter Petrelli") are some of my favorite because, unlike some of the castmembers of that show(...Ali Larter, I'm looking in your direction), those two can actually express human emotion. So I'm going to suggest that the writers of Heroes decide that Parkman made Nathan wear a bullet-proof vest before the news conference, or I'm going to be cracking skulls. Freakin' Mohinder gets to live and Nathan doesn't...what is that?? Ooh, and how much did you like Hiro's punishment of Adam? Daaaang!

Oh, we're having another ultrasound today at my OB appointment! I'm very excited to see how Lil' J is situated, how big he is, all that. I'm starting my weekly appointments now, so it really feels like we're getting down to the wire. Very exciting!

Nothing says "I love you" like taking out the trash

Wow, it's cold outside! There was actually snow on the cars this morning, too, although I'm very glad that right now I'm living in Ohio and not upstate New York. I definitely don't feel emotionally prepared to deal with a foot of snow right now. I keep having these visions that I'll end up giving birth in the car during a snowstorm, so the more the weather wants to hold off until January, the more peaceful I'll feel. Can you imagine giving birth in a car? Could you ever resell it after that? That's going to take a lot of detailing.

I was watching my usual 18 hours of football this weekend and realized that there were an awful lot of jewelry commercials on there. Usually, you just get a lot of Coors Light and Chevy truck ads during the football season, but I suppose the jewelry stores are trying to get the men to spend their savings on diamonds for their wives or girlfriends this Christmas. And, you know, I love getting jewelry, but there's something kind of sad about letting a pair of earrings tell someone how you feel instead of just acting like it all year long. Or even just saying "I love you." Cause in every single one of these commercials, the man hands the woman the diamonds and doesn't say a word, but then the woman throws him this knowing look like "I love you, too." Excuse me while I hurl over the side of the couch here.