Everybody hates a skeptic

I wish I wasn't such a jerk. In my mind, I know that talking to people about religion is a bad idea. And, really, I wouldn't go up to the cashier at Walmart and start talking creation theories with him. I'm not that bad. But I need to take drastic measures to remind myself that even with people who are close to me, there's a fine line between a thoughtful discussion about religion and offending them. I don't mean to offend people; it's just that I'm not all that emotionally invested in any one religious tenet. But other people are, and every time I ask them questions or bring up points that seem strange to me, they perceive it as an "insult" at some point.

And here's my real problem: I still don't understand why it's such a touchy subject. I know this sounds childish and naive, but I just don't get it. I was thinking about it this morning, and I realized that it doesn't really bother me anymore to learn things that shake the foundations of my understanding. It happens all the time. Somewhere between learning there was no Santa Claus and finding out that a global economy dictates jobs moving overseas, I stopped getting annoyed when things didn't go the way I want. There are over six billion people in the world, and it's practically guaranteed that most of them out there don't agree with you. So why do people tend to hold on so tight to things like religion? Intellectually, I know it's because it's their understanding of the world, their life and their meaning. But due to its very essence, belief isn't fact-based; it's faith, so it's open to interpretation. But then people get so offended when it's interpreted differently even when that's inevitable by its very nature. Gah! Can't we all just get along??

The Great Tonsil Rebellion

Blah. Blech. Uhhhh. The cold is not improving. I've got the sore throat and the stuffy nose. I'd like to go get some cold medicine, but it's quite the game of Russian roulette, picking a cold remedy these days. There's no telling if that tussin you just took is going to give you a stroke. I kid about that. Cold medicine doesn't scare me. If I'm wussy enough to be taken out by a Sucrets, I wasn't long for this world anyway. What really scares me is the idea of hysterical blindness. You heard me.

I told you you was the daddy! I told you so!

Back to work. It's actually kind of nice to have something productive to do again. Sometimes I think back to my years in college and grad school and wonder how I managed to waste so much time watching daytime tv. Really, I don't know if I'm getting more mature (I doubt it) or if programs are getting worse, but I can't bring myself to watch soaps and talk shows anymore. Well, except for an occasional Maury Povich paternity test show. Those are great!

It's amazingly warm outside today. High of about 72 if the predictions end up being correct. It's very weird considering we were driving through a blizzard not 4 days ago. Warm weather in the fall like this always makes me worry about tornadoes. I can't tell you how many times I was woken up in the middle of the night as a child because of a tornado siren. That anxiety has been burned in my brain. I dream about tornadoes a lot...that and shopping in malls. Tornadoes and malls...what an odd pair.

Speaking of dreams, mine from last night had me going to a friend's friend's wedding. She was a young, half-Indian, half-African-American woman marrying Prince Charles. It was very elaborate and fancy, and I kept waiting for them to serve cherry scones. I know, it doesn't make any sense.

What exactly are Bratz anyway?

I have no idea what day it is anymore. Feels like Sunday, although the tv assures me it's Saturday. Curious. Well, Thanksgiving was great. Saw the family at my Mom's house and had a marvelous time hanging out with everybody and eating like royalty (although, honestly, I wouldn't choose to eat like that every day. I hear Henry VIII had a vicious case of the gout). We also went to J's family's in the evening, where I proceeded to TAKE OUT a couple gentlement in poker. I ask you, is there any better feeling than shutting up a trash-talker? Heh.

The rest of the weekend's been nice and quiet. It's freaking cold around here, so I don't feel like doing much. And in an interesting coincidence, I have also caught a cold, so that's some nice symmetry. I attempted to go Christmas shopping for the kiddies yesterday and got so overwhelmed by the variety of toys that I almost started crying in Target. I am that pitiful. But, thankfully, J went with me today at Toys R Us and helped me sort it all out. All I know is that I remember back when I was a kid and all we had to play with were those plastic tubes filled with water with the button on the bottom that would shoot balls around inside, and WE WERE HAPPY. If you were lucky you also had a sit'n'spin, one Barbie and a loopy straw to drink your Quik. It never occurred to me that I needed a battery-powered car with Spongebob Squarepants on the door singing Rock around the Clock every 10 seconds. Geesh.

Yep, it's snowing all right

Yay! The day before Thanksgiving is here! I went to Walmart last night to get some appetizers and drinks for tomorrow, and I can say without an ounce of hesitation that it was busier than Usher's underpants in there. Wow. The shopping only took about 15 minutes, but then I stood in line at the cashier for about twice that long. Why people insist on going to the self-serve checkout line when they have 4 turkey deep fryers and 28 different kinds of produce is beyond me. Jerks. Anyway, we get out of work at noon today, but the funny thing is that I really don't have much to do tonight besides go to the gym. I'm going to do a little pre-emptive exercising so my metabolism will be nice and high tomorrow. Awww yeah.

Have a happy Thanksgiving everybody!

I had a vision of implants...and it was all that they turned out to be

I was thinking last night about song lyrics. I think there are two kinds of people in this world: people who listen to song lyrics and (brace yourself) people who don't. I can think of a couple times in my life where I've talked about the lyrics of a song and had someone in the room go "Who listens to song lyrics? They're not important." And those people generally turned out to be idiots. I kid! I think it's just a different approach to music. I wonder if there's a connection between, say, being right-brained and listening to lyrics. Or liking pizza and only listening to melody. I don't know. All I know is that the more you listen to the lyrics of songs by Mariah Carey, the less you'll respect her. I guarantee it.

Tonight I have to head over to the Walmart to get some appetizers to take to Thanksgiving dinner. I'm thinking cheese and crackers because this stuff is going to have to travel for an hour in the car. Any suggestions? I can't give up the port wine cheese (I have loved that stuff since I was a kid), but I was thinking something different might be good. Your thoughts?

Holiday angst-giving time is upon us

Got back from the school's annual Thanksgiving lunch just a little while ago. I must say, it was a delight. The mashed potatoes were superb. And quite a selection of desserts! I think it's fabulous that the school throws this shindig every year...for FREE. I don't care if the turkey was partially made from sawdust, it was free and it was delicious.

I am currently trying to track down every Italian Baroque painting that I can find in color for this project I'm working on. If anybody knows where Reni's Annunciation from 1609-11 is in color, I'm all ears.

Can I take an informal survey just out of curiosity? Hypothetically speaking, if one were to have 4 very young nephews then marry a man who has 10 nieces and nephews of various ages, what would you do in terms of buying Christmas presents? Your thoughts?

Say no to giblet gravy!

Guess what? I made chili this weekend, and it actually tasted good! Huzzah! J got the crock pot out of the basement, which really took all the work out of it. Love that thing. It's going to be my introduction into the arena of homecooking, I tell you. This week, chili. Next week, chicken and dumplings. After THAT, the world.

Ohio State almost gave me a hysterical crying fit when they fell behind to Michigan yesterday in the third quarter. Thankfully, they pulled their heads out of their buttocks and won the game (and I say that with all the love in the world). It was such a relief when they won. I did see the final score of the South Carolina game this morning, too. Sniff.

In approximately 98 hours, I will be eating Thanksgiving dinner. Rock. On.

Get off my lawn, you stupid kids!

I love you, coffee table. I love you.

I got sucked into watching the celebrity poker tournament show on Bravo last night. It was the championship game, and it was a nailbiter. I fell asleep before the end, so I need to go to Bravo's website and see who won, but I enjoy watching those. I just wish they weren't so long. And I wish last night's hadn't had that Wendy Pepper on it. Man, she's annoying. You ever watch someone on t.v., and they're so idiotic or obnoxious that you're cringing on their behalf every time the camera's on them? If you've ever watched The Real World, I'm sure you know what I mean. In fact, I used to watch Real World all the time, but the people on it just got to be so dumb that I can't stand it anymore. Wait a second, I just realized I don't watch ANYTHING on MTV anymore since the whole Newlyweds/Laguna Beach/Sweet 16 fiasco started. Wow. I'm getting old and crotchedy. That's just great.

It's been 40 days since I impaled a man on a pike

Oooh, Lost was interesting last night. I never understood that clue about "Mr. Eko's stick" though. It really does sound more dirty than anything. Here's what I was most intrigued by: Goodwin saying "Nathan was not a good person. That's why he wasn't on the list." When you think about it, the Others have been trying to take the children (Walt, Turniphead). And many of the survivors on the island whose flashbacks we've seen have committed some sort of "sin" or done something wrong, so it would lead you to believe that the Others are picking and choosing for some reason. Possibly? I really loved that tense conversation between Ana-Lucia and Goodwin that ended with her kicking his lily butt. Take that, you killer of Nathan-aka-Ed's-best-friend-aka-Arisa-thinks-you're-cute! Such a good show.

Went out of the house this morning to find snow on the car and ice on the streets. Old Man Winter has reared his grizzled, frostbitten head, my friends. But you know what this means, right? Hot chocolate and popcorn! Whoo!

Also saw on the news this morning that Matthew McConaghey (I have no idea how to spell that) was named People's "Sexiest Man Alive." Huh. Well, I guess if you consider a man who doesn't seem real bright and walks around with his shirt off 65% of the time to be sexy, that makes sense.

Smart people on ice!

It's official. Ugly boots have become a trend here. It's bad enough when I see questionable fashion in magazines, but when it's walking through the parking lot while I am minding my own business and trying to eat lunch, I get annoyed. Let me 'splain: I was totally for women wearing those cute, little Ugg boots with the bottoms of their jeans tucked into them. The boots were on the short side, they came in cute colors, and they weren't that furry back in the day. But now I'm starting to see chicks sporting these monstrosities of fur and pom-poms that are not only terrifying, but also really impractical for an Ohio winter, I don't mind saying. I also saw a girl wearing knee-high, stiletto-heeled, leather boots with her jeans tucked in. Unless you are Naomi Campbell or as stupid as Jessica Simpson, do not try that at home. It doesn't look right. You pair that ensemble with a short jacket, and all a bystander sees is crotch. Ick.

Did anybody else read the clue about keeping an eye on Mr. Eko's stick? What is THAT about?

Snotty Employees: A Case Study

I have to take a minute to remind myself that I am very lucky to have the job I have. A teacher came in a while ago and proceeded to insult my abilities, put me down, condescend to me and then ask me to send a recommendation to her superior about how much better she is at my job than I am. Ummm...riiiight. I haven't yet decided if she's really gutsy or just plain insane. What I feel like sending her superior is a verification that she is, in fact, losing her mind, but I don't think that's what she was asking for. I need to keep telling myself that even though I encounter some odd behavior from time to time here, it would be way worse in retail. Yes, I remember the day I was working at the cookware store and a woman came in yelling at me to tell her the name of "that stuff you put on corn" and I said "You mean butter?" like she was the dumbest person in the world. Those were good times.

And, just as an addendum, I'm even worse at sales. When I was working the phones for a catalog clothing company, my boss was giving me a review one day and told me to try to sell more. I replied "Look, I have a master's degree, so I really don't care." I'm still amazed they didn't fire me after that. Heh.

I see Blue. He's glorious!

Dudes, I've been up since 4:15 this morning. Woke up wide awake, turned over to look at the clock, saw the time and prepared for some really deep thought for the next two hours. At one point, the Wubby J. Meow-meow crawled up and laid on my chest as if to say "Yo. I see you're awake. You may pet me now." Unfortunately, I didn't come up with any answers to life's most pressing questions, but I did determine there's a dog somewhere in the neighborhood that can bark approximately 308 times in a row. Impressive.

I have had a pretty productive day at work so far, so that's good. Been working on the digital image database and trying to make it more user-friendly. I still haven't come up with a way for it to dispense Skittles and Diet Coke through my computer, but I'm working on it.

And the weatherperson this morning said it might snow here on Wednesday night. Daaaang. This means I'm going to have to start wearing socks.

Game!

Oh man, J and I saw the funniest sign while we were driving to breakfast yesterday. Along the side of the road was one of those white boards that uses interchangeable letters, and I'm assuming they meant to advertise flu shots, but what it said was "F U SHOTS." Ha! That's never going to not be funny.

I know, I know, I will grow up one of these days.

I've been watching a lot of football this weekend and am so proud of the Gamecocks! Actually beat Florida. Unfortunately, it wasn't on tv up here, because I really wish I had seen that. I might actually stop hating Steve Spurrier if he keeps this up. Huh. Whoda thunk?

Gastroenterology and you

Poor Puma had a hairball this morning. Is there anything more pitiful that a cat hacking up a hairball? It's like some distorted version of ballet. Choreographed and natural, but really gross.

Only 2 more weeks until Thanksgiving, people. Are we all eating plenty of loaves bread dipped in milk to expand our stomachs? Get on it! Eat those yams! Thanksgiving is the one time of year that I envy cows and their stomach volume. Ahhh, to have a stomach totally dedicated to pumpkin pie. Mmmm...

I have island hair every day

Oooh, Lost last night was good. Would it have been better with more Jack? Yes. Did I miss Kate? Not at all. From what I'm gathering today, a lot of people already knew that a character was going to die last night, but I didn't know that, so it came as quite a shock. Poor girl. It just goes to show that being born beautiful and rich doesn't always mean you'll be happy. But you probably won't end up on death row either. Have you ever seen those people in prison? Not a one of them looks like Maggie Grace. I'm just saying.

I need some recommendations for a good hair conditioner. Lest you think that having straight, fine hair keeps one from getting tangles, I have a rat's nest every morning to prove otherwise. Suave and Pantene don't do much conditioning at all, but Garnier Fructis and Herbal Essence actually make my hair greasy. There's got to be something good out there that doesn't cost $10 a bottle. Of course, it would probably help if I got a haircut more than once every 8 months. Heh.

Damn it, Jim!

My thoughts on tv's new hit Bones: I like this show. But I am surprised by the reason why. I minored in anthropology in college (as part of my plan to educate myself in as many useless fields as possible), and I love murder mysteries, so I was convinced I'd love the forensic anthropologist character, Temperance. But it turns out that either the actress is not my cup of tea or the writing could use some work or something, because I really like the detective, Booth, much better. And I also dig the stuff the young techie guy says. For instance, last night, his quip "I guess Angela just needed to hear her job description in a deep, African-American tone" cracked me up. And don't get me started on the chick who plays Angela. Before you get a job as an actress, learn how to cry on camera. I feel nothing for you. You are dead to me.

But, anyway, I am disturbed on a deeper level, because I feel like I SHOULD be loving the rational, intelligent woman instead of the salt-of-the-earth male detective. Does this mean I do not like myself? Am I so conditioned by society to find smart women uninteresting? Gah! Another crisis caused by freakin' Fox!

What do we love? Pain!

This has got to be about my most favorite outfit I've worn to work in a while. It's not very professional, but, hey, neither is this library, so they can deal. I'm wearing black pants, black cardigan, and a blue tshirt that states "Don't have a" with a sparkly picture of a cow printed underneath it. Sweet. I got it for $3 at Kohl's. All day, people have been coming up to me and saying "Don't have a cow" and smiling. See, the tshirt spreads the joy!! An art history professor pointed out that it's probably confusing the international students who might possibly approach me and say that they, indeed, do not have a cow at this time. Ahh, slang.

Have you really thought about what it would be like to give birth to a cow? And who came up with the idea that birthing to a cow is akin to losing your cool about something? Curious.

My entire spinal column aches from my head to my lower back. I honestly have no idea what I did to pull all those muscles in the last couple days. I'm starting to wonder if J is kidney punching me in my sleep...

I wish I could burp on cue

I don't know what kind of alternate universe I woke up in today, but it is oddly busy in the office today. That is very strange for a Monday. I am getting so stressed out that I am giving myself sharp pains in my chest and upper abdomen. That is simply not good. I'm going to have to go home tonight and give myself a facial mask and foot spa. I don't want to...I HAVE to. It's medical, you see.

As a quick aside, I read over the weekend that Coke is no longer going to make Vanilla Coke in America. I know a lot of people find the stuff revolting, but I will miss it. Bon voyage, Vanilla Coke! May you prosper in overseas markets!

Diarrhea cha cha cha

I'm working another Saturday here at the library. It is very quiet so far. It is sort of a ghost town, even...just instead of sand we have books, and instead of tumbleweeds blowing by, we have an occasional industrial design student crawl through the stacks.

I almost didn't make it in today. We went to J's family birthday party last night and didn't get home until midnight. And then with my internal alarm clock being such an anal, uptight pain in the neck, I awoke at my usual 6:15. So I took a nap this morning after breakfast and woke up about 10 minutes before I had to leave to get here in time. That feeling of waking up and seeing that you slept longer than you meant to is such a mini-heart attack. Completely freaks me out, so I run around like crazy to leave in time and then when I'm in the car, I have no idea where I am and why I'm not wearing any socks. Sigh. Freaking internal alarm clock...thinks it's so hot, but it's no good after 10 a.m. Jerk.

Anybody else see that Comedy Central is now showing old episodes of Beavis & Butthead? Ahh, memories. "How do you please to these charges?"

Yo...ummm...you got any catnip up there?

Awww, look at that face! Such a Wooby. He actually lay down on my chest last night while I was watching Pirates of the Caribbean on tv and fell asleep for half an hour. I can't figure out if he does that because he loves me or he just wants to steal my body warmth...of which I have precious little! Thank goodness for sweatpants and the Wooby. Mmm hmm.

What the? Who is that?

Does anyone else ever have this happen to them: you walk into a bathroom not even that interested in your reflection, and then you happen to look up and see yourself in the mirror and your appearance makes you go "ACK!!"? That happens to me all the time. And it's never that I think I look grotesque or anything, but it seems like I look slightly worse than I think I do, and it comes as a big surprise. It's always something small...like my eyes look puffy, my cheeks look fuller or my hair is slightly lankier than normal. But it makes me wonder if I just generally look worse than I think I do, or do I really just have off days where my face melted a little while sleeping? Something like that? It reminds me of the first time I heard my voice on my friend Jennifer's cassette recorder, and I thought to myself "I sound like a mouse" (I wasn't quite as adjective-friendly back when I was 9).

Get thee to Target! Post haste!

We went last night and discovered bags of chocolate for $1.05, big bags of candy corn (candy corn!) for 99 cents, a blue shirt for me for $6 and The Revenge of the Sith on DVD for $15. Not too shabby. And then when you take into account that Ashrey found a purse last night at her Target for $4, well, you really have no excuse not to hightail it over there and get to improving the economy. Do your part, Americans! ...you know, this actually makes me wonder if bargain shopping really does that much to help the economy. I imagine a $6 shirt doesn't really help much. Let's all go buy yachts and Faberge eggs! Whoo!

I was already feeling pretty icked out by the "romance" between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, but if those two actually get married, I will boycot their movies forever. Forever! I always get the feeling looking at them that a vampire is getting it on with a Nazi. It is an unholy union!

They skipped their sociology seminar to go trick-or-treating

I didn't think it was possible, but last night made me realize I have even more pet peeves than I realized. To begin with, if you can DRIVE YOURSELF, you are too old to go trick-0r-treating, ok? That's non-negotiable. And if you do not have a child under the age of 10 with you, do not tell me that you are "collecting candy for my baby." You are lying. Stop it. And if the child in your arms has no teeth and cannot eat anything besides milk, again, do not claim you are holding the baby's candy sack. You are holding your own candy sack. And it is full of LIES.

Now that I've gotten that off my chest, I must say that the vast majority of trick-or-treaters we had last night were adorable, polite and gracious. It was really just tons of fun to hand the stuff out. We actually ran out of candy an hour before trick-or-treating ended, but how can you not give a couple extra Dum Dum Pops to a 3-year-old dressed as a Care Bear? Or a 2-year-old wearing a furry lion costume? How? You would have to have a heart made of snakes. That's right, snakes.