We wish you a merry Wubbiss

Urgh...I'm so tired. I was awake last night at 12, 2 and 4. And after 4, I couldn't fall back asleep so I think I got about 3 and a half hours of sleep last night. For crying out loud. I'll keep drinking coffee and pinching myself, but I have a feeling it's going to be a looooong day. But enough complaining. Instead of me whining, let's focus on the positive. Below are a couple pictures I took of our Christmas tree at home. It's the shiniest cat toy ever!

Take care of your colon and it'll take care of you

Ok, so is this right? If you claim 0 deductions on your I-9, you get more taxes taken out of each paycheck but a higher chance of a refund at the end of the year, and if you claim 1 or more deductions, you get fewer taxes taken out of each paycheck but the likelihood of a smaller refund? Have I got that right? It occurred to me this morning that tax time will be coming up soon. It still seems like a piece of cake to me since I only have one W-2 now. There were years when I had 5 or 6 and it was just a big pain in the neck. One time I actually counted up the number of jobs I've had in my life and it was over 30. Isn't that something? It takes me a while to decide on something, but once I figure it out, I'm usually good. Worst job: taking customer service calls at Verizon Wireless back when it was Bell Atlantic Mobile. What a horror that was. Best job before this one: my college job working in the gastroenterology unit at the hospital in Rochester. I've never learned so much about polyps so fast.

Fa la la wah chicka wah wah

By popular demand ("popular" meaning Beth), the following are some pictures I just took of my office decorated for Disco Christmas:

Who? Where? Why?

I actually managed to stay awake for all of Heroes last night! Whoo! I am my own hero. Very good episode last night, although I found myself involuntarily laughing in the scene where Heidi got into the car accident. Am I just a sick individual or was there something funny about her looking over and not seeing Nathan there? I'm probably a big sicko.

I decorated my office for Christmas yesterday, and it looks tremendous in here, if I do say so myself. My coworker, Leslie, gave me a gift of mini-disco ball ornaments that I just love, and J suggested I put a disco ball on top of the tree, so the theme this year is "It's a very disco Christmas, jive turkey." Now if only I can find a stuffed Santa doll that sings Christmas carols in John Travolta's voice...that would be sa-weet.

Vomit, the final frontier

Ugh, man, it was hard getting up for work today! I actually woke up a bunch of times last night at 2, 4, etc.... I suspect it was because my body knew it had to get up for a reason today and it just got overexcited. But it was a really nice, long holiday weekend. We put up our Christmas tree on Friday, so the house is looking quite festive, and I just put up my tiny tree in my office. Now all I have to do is hang the Christmas ornaments from my ceiling. Seriously. I do this every year. I don't know if my boss really likes it, but the teachers who come in love it! And it helps me get through November and December to look over and see my snowman lights. Awww. Joyeux Noel!

I must also mention that this past Saturday, my older sister and her husband brought their two boys (nephews #2 and #5) over here and we all went to the children's science museum in town. Nephew #2 (who is almost 3 years old) had a delightful time. He was just running from exhibit to exhibit with a smile on his face. He seemed to especially like the entrance to the space exhibit, where you walk on a catwalk in the dark and it looks like stars are spinning around you. I went on it twice and almost puked, but that kid went through there about 6 times in a row! That is some inner ear strength right there.

My place is here...with the snow people

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving! We had a delightful dinner with my Mom yesterday afternoon and then had a good time playing poker with J's family at night. We made so much food and ate so much that after I had some pie at 4:00, I didn't eat anything the rest of the day besides a roll. It's pretty rare that I reach my food quota before dinnertime, but it's a good feeling when I do.

And even though I awoke at 5:30 this morning, I'll be darned if I'm going shopping today. Besides the fact that I don't have much available cash right now (most of my funds are tied up in offshore gambling), I just do not have the patience to deal with hordes of crazed shoppers. But I'm always amazed by people who get up at 4 to go buy $5 DVD's, God bless 'em. They're doing their part to support American retailing, and for that, I applaud them.

I'm shocked and appalled

J's been fixing this crack in the wall of our bedroom, so he's been busy spackling and sanding the last few days so we can repaint it in the next couple weeks. The thing is, every time I look at the spackle marks on the wall, it looks like a big t-bone steak to me. So now I'm going to bed every night and waking up every morning craving a nice, juicy steak. Mmmm.

I only have 2.75 hours left to work today! Whee! I cannot wait to go home. I think the Wubbiss is going to be pleasantly surprised to have us around so much the next few days. Of course, after a while he starts to get sick of us making so much noise, and he heads upstairs to lie underneath the comforter on the bed. He can only take so much. But he'll like it for a while.

I thought they smelled bad on the outside!

Today is the school's annual free Thanksgiving lunch for faculty, staff and students. Whee! I'm 45% excited to eat turkey, taters and pie, 45% excited that I didn't have to pack a lunch for me and J today and 10% excited that I only have to get up and come to work one more day this week. Awesome.

Did everybody get to see Heroes last night? That scene with the cheerleader, Jackie, getting murdered was nasty, but I liked the rest of it. The thing with Mohinder and the boy in his dreams reminded me of that Simpsons episode where Homer eats the hot chili, hallucinates a wolf as his spirit guide and kicks a turtle over the horizon. That's good stuff. But it still doesn't explain why spirit guides are always so cryptic. They're always saying things like "You already have the answer" or "Look inside yourself." Thanks. Very helpful. I just don't understand why if you're going to go to the trouble of popping up in someone's vision, you wouldn't just be like "Yo. If you take that trip to Albuquerque, you'll wind up in a Mexican prison. So don't do it, you filthy moron." I think that would be more effective.

Now I can fall asleep on the couch without guilt!

Good news! J got the computer-based DVR program up and running this weekend, and it's been a resounding success so far. He recorded the Ohio State game on Saturday and burned a DVD of it, so we can watch it over and over again and since we now know the outcome, it will be much more enjoyable, I think. And J installed such a big hard drive into this computer that he's recording just about every show on cable. I think he set it up to tape 3 NFL games yesterday, all the Fox animated shows and probably a few other things just cause he could. It's sa-weet. Now, I have no idea when we're going to be able to watch all this stuff because we gotta clean up the house for Thanksgiving, but it's nice to know I can watch the Browns lose on a Thursday if I'm so inclined. Technology is a pretty cool thing sometimes.

The agony of the feet

Whew! What a relief that Ohio State won yesterday. That was such a good game. It's pretty rare that a game is that competitive and interesting for the entire 60 minutes. Part of me is just glad it's over. I was at work at 3 yesterday (where they let me turn on the tv to watch...I just had to mute it) and I actually had butterflies in my stomach, I was so nervous. But I think everyone in Columbus is now just waiting to see who we play in the championship game. And I'm sure there are residents of this fine city who are also waiting for their dad to show up and post bail because they had a little too much Jager last night and "accidentally" took off all their clothes and set a couch on fire. The kids these days.

Geech done gone to heaven

Even though I thought The Office last night was hilarious and I busted out laughing a bunch of times, I was left with a feeling of sadness for our girl, Pam. I like to think that one day Jim and Pam will finally get together and have dozens of adorable, witty children, but right now it sends a pain shooting through my heart to see Jim be so aloof to her. And I sense a seed of hatred for Karen blooming in my soul. I really need to stop taking these shows so personally. But did you see Pam's face when Michael asked Karen if her dad was a G.I.? So awesome. And don't get me started on Dwight and Andy. "Cough! Idiot!" "Cough! You're the idiot!" "Cough! Good comeback!"

Waiter, I would like some pepper on my paprikash

Good grief, I need a Tylenol. I woke up at 5 this morning with a searing pain in the right side of my head. I'm starting to suspect that I have a wonky nasal cavity on my right side because whenever I come down with a cold, that's where it starts. Perhaps it's just squeezed for space in there because my enormous brain is taking up all the room...? Yes, that must be it.

One week until Thanksgiving!! I went to the store last night to pick up some more supplies for the big day and got some egg nog while I was at it. Can I just say for the record how much I love egg nog? When you read the ingredients, it sounds like it would be nasty, but I just love that stuff. And I don't even need the rum, although I won't turn it down either. Mmm...nog.

Listen! Do you smell that?

I saw the coolest thing at the gym yesterday. I was on an elliptical machine trying to decide if reading the closed captioning from Entertainment Tonight or Fox News was more interesting (my conclusion: stare out the window at cars driving by), and I noticed a gym employee leading a blind man towards the treadmills. And, lo and behold, the blind man got on the treadmill and started running pretty dang fast. I was inspired. So many times, I talk myself out of going to the gym because I'm tired or I'd rather go shopping, and here's this man who had to be in his 40's and missing an entire sense, and he's out there running like it's the easiest thing in the world. This might sound cheesy, but it's seeing people like him or a person who obviously has a lot of work to do to reach his or her goal, and they're really pushing themselves, and it makes me want to work harder. The anorexic girls who never break a sweat just make me want to smack them. And smacking people is not good aerobic exercise. I looked it up.

No Lost on tonight. What am I going to do with myself?!?

Tresselball

I don't know what got into me last night, but I actually managed to stay up until 11 so I could see how Keyshawn Johnson did in the Monday night game. I'm not a Keyshawn Johnson fan, per se, but he's on my fantasy team, and I was only ahead of my brother by a point, so I had to make sure he didn't fumble 8 times and get a negative score. I'm sure nobody cares about this but me, but the Ohio State vs. Michigan game is this Saturday. I heard on the radio this morning that people are paying thousands of dollars for tickets. Thousands! People, come on. It's an important game...possibly even historic what with Michigan and Ohio State never having met as #1 and #2 before, but putting $3000 worth of football tickets on your credit card is precisely why people in this country can't retire until they're 75. It's not worth it! Just tape the game! Chances are that if you're seated near the student section, you're just going to get puked on anyway.

Speaking of which, one time I was at Williams Brice stadium watching a game, and I went to the bathroom in the third quarter. The floor of the women's bathroom was completely flooded and there was a girl in the stall next to mine heaving into a flooded toilet. That has got to be one of the grossest situations imaginable. I just hope she was too wasted to remember it.

Front line infantry...front line infantry...Lord

I am feeling a kinship with Kiefer Sutherland this morning. Not only was he hilarious on The Simpsons last night, but I saw part of a show this weekend where he was in Norway getting grossed out eating their local delicacy, boiled goose. And he says at one point "I'm not a food guy. Cheeseburgers and pizza are about it for me." Right on, Kiefer. Right on.

Only a week and a half until Thanksgiving! Whee! We've already started buying food, so there's a turkey in the freezer and a bag of mini-marshmallows in the pantry. Nice. Really, as much as I love all the Thanksgiving foods, if I just had sweet potato casserole and turkey, I'd be all right. And some pie. I'd need some pie, too.

Job dissatisfaction

I am quite proud to report that I stayed up and saw all of The Office last night! Don't ask how well I did during CSI though. The thing that made me laugh the hardest was actually during the preview for the next Office when Michael sees Jim's Stamford coworker (what's her name?) and asks if her dad was a G.I.. Heh. What a doofus.

We were driving into work just now, and it seemed eerily quiet on the streets of Columbus, and then I realized that it's Veteran's Day and that's why nobody was around (except for us private school workers and the various donut vendors around town). It's times like this that make me wish I had a federal job. My Dad used to work for the government, and I can remember thinking when I was a teenager "Dad is home more than he's at work." And he wasn't a slacker--he actually had all these holidays off and he'd been working there for 15 years so he had like 4 weeks of vacation. You know what you get around here once you've worked 15 years? Half a muffin out of a trashcan. It's true!

Everything's coming up Wubby

I liked Lost very much last night! I was so, so happy to see Jack back in action hero mode. I have no idea if this plan of his is going to work because I'm not sure where Kate and Sawyer can go or what would happen to Jack himself, but it's still great to see him not taking anybody's guff anymore. Yeah. Rock on with your bad, kidney-sack-cutting self, my man. But I'd like to say that the idea of getting it on with someone who hasn't showered in days (weeks?) while trapped in a muddy, polar-bear-smell cage does not do it for me in the slightest. I don't care how long it's been, Kate--good hygiene should always be a priority.

And we got our new health plan costs in campus mail yesterday. Our premiums are going to double. DOUBLE! And our deductible is huge. It absolutely sucks. And since it's going to take over a year to build up the health savings account, we will have to keep doctor's visits to a minimum for a long time. I'm just going to have to get used to this goiter.

They're Santa pants. They're Santa's pants

Wow, it really looks like the Democrats came on strong yesterday. I thought they'd take over the House of Representatives, but I didn't really think they'd get this close to controlling the senate, too. I think change is generally a good thing when it comes to Washington politics. Exhibit a: Strom Thurmond. How long was that dude in the Senate? Like 86 years? That, my friends, is too long to be at any one job.

But, really, I'm happier that the issues on the ballot in Ohio went the way I wanted them to. The tobacco companies put a constitutional amendment on the ballot to get smoking back in restaurants, and that was defeated, thank goodness. And somebody also tried to allow slot machines in certain places in Ohio, and that went down, too. I remember seeing what slot machines did to South Carolina, and I think banning them was one of the best decisions that state made. That and standing by the yellow barbecue sauce....mmmm...yellow barbecue sauce.

We will control the lows

Interesting that Micah on Heroes has a superpower, too. If he ever goes to work for AT&T, he could really rake in some money. I felt bad for the police officer though. I really don't think mindreading would be a fun power at all. You'd probably cry yourself to sleep every night wondering just how much stupider people can get. And you'd also have a lot of bad songs running through your head all day. "She's an easy lover. She'll get a hold of you, believe it. She's like no other. Before you know it, you'll be on your knees" "You'll be on your knee-eees!"

I have also developed a profound sense of pity for the dancers in Ipod commercials. They're probably thinking this is their big break, they finally made it to national tv, etc... and then you can't even see their faces because they're in silhouettes. What a letdown. I'm going to go around telling everybody that I'm a dancer in an Ipod commercial and see if they believe me. They have no evidence to the contrary, do they?

Choking hazard

We saw The Prestige yesterday afternoon and really liked it. I'm a sucker for period pieces like that, but there was enough maiming in it that J was happy. Now I need to go see Borat, because everybody's saying it's hilarious. Good enough for me!

J and I were discussing our Christmas list today. Times like this are when it really hits me how big both our families are. I'm one of four kids, and so is he. And every single brother and sister of ours is married with at least two kids. Isn't that something? I sort of feel like the sister of the old woman who lived in a shoe.

Image is everything...unless you're too sleepy to care

Since our plans to go to Dayton today fell through, I'm going to try to get J to take me to a movie this afternoon instead. I'd really like to see The Prestige because I'm a big fan of that director. Sure, Memento was depressing and a little confusing, but Batman Begins was about my favorite superhero movie ever besides the first two X-Men.

You know, I was just sitting here pondering whether Hugh Jackman is actually homosexual or not, and it reminded me that Neil Patrick Harris just came out. So, for those of you who are fans of How I Met Your Mother, does that change how you perceive his character on that show? What about George on Gray's Anatomy? It doesn't make a difference to me. Gay people don't bother me in the slightest, but I was still shocked to hear that news story about that preacher in Colorado who is accused of hiring gay prostitutes and smoking meth with them. Daaaaaang, dude. This guy was head of the national evangelical group and conference-called the President once a week to discuss how to ban gay marriage, and all the while, he's living this double life. All that lying and hypocrisy must be exhausting. I can't even imagine. I'm too lazy to even try to get out of speeding tickets. I'm just like "Yeah, I was speeding. I'll pay the fee. I was just trying to get home to get a nap."

I'm hideous!

Don't look at me! I'm hiding my face in shame! I don't know what happened, but last thing I remember, I was sitting on my couch at 8:15 watching the Daily Show, then all of a sudden, it's 8:50 and I'm scrambling to find the remote to turn it to NBC to catch the last ten minutes of The Office. Has it really come to this? Am I so old and decrepit that I'm falling asleep on my couch at 8:15 at night?? Pitiful. Just pitiful. ...But I must say I'm so happy I caught the scene where Jim fell off his bike into the bushes. Ha! I love a good pratfall. And maybe I can watch the whole episode online or in a rerun soon. I'll tell myself that while I crawl under my desk, suck my thumb and cry at the memories of when I used to be able to stay up until 10:30.

Candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup

I am currently beating myself with a paper clip in shame because I kept falling asleep during Lost last night and missed big chunks of the show. I saw poor Eko's end and some of his flashbacks, but J had to fill me in on Juliette's signs and the rest of it. I am so pathetic. I've been falling asleep at 9 and waking up at 4:30 ever since the time change. Eastern daylight time has been no friend to me so far. But, anyway, it sounds like some interesting stuff happened on Lost. I'll miss Eko. And that looked like a pretty painful way to go, too. But I guess he really should have taken heed of all the spirits that were telling him to confess. Heck, I feel guilty when I use three paper towels after I wash my hands instead of two. I can't imagine how bad I'd feel about smuggling heroin into Africa.

Three weeks until Thanksgiving, people! I've already scheduled to have a second stomach surgically implanted in my torso so I can eat twice the turkey and pumpkin pie. Whoo!

Get those ridiculous things off your head!

I was home sick AGAIN yesterday because I was having sharp pains in my back and side. I went to the doctor, and he didn't seem to know what was going on, but he prescribed me some anti-inflammatories and muscle relaxers, so I feel much better now. But, man, those muscle relaxers are insane! I only took one when I got home and felt like the sister getting married in Sixteen Candles.

We had a great time giving out candy last night. We had hundreds of kids come by the house, and there were lots of ninjas, vampires, fairies and (quite surprisingly) cross-dressing boys. Interesting. But we were happy because our candy lasted until 7:45 this year instead of 7 like last year. Less chance of an egging that way, so kudos to us.

Also, did anybody else see this statistic on the Today show this morning that out of the 1.5 million births to 20-29 year old women last year, 1 million of them were to unwed mothers? That really surprised me. Most of the people I know having babies are married, and I thought teenagers were the most likely unwed mothers. Huh.