I'd fine that guy $10,000!

I swear, I tried to copy my pregnant pictures to a jump drive this morning, but the picture server at home was down, so I couldn't do it. But I tried! I was thinking about using one of my older, non-pregnant pictures and just Photoshopping a big belly onto myself, but I figured you guys would catch on to that pretty fast. Darn you and your discerning eyes!

I am so psyched it's Friday. We have Monday off for Labor Day, so I'm very much looking forward to the 3-day weekend. And Ohio State plays their first football game tomorrow afternoon, too. Unfortunately, due to the jackholes at our cable company, we can't watch it on tv, but I'll still listen to it on the radio. That is old school right there. I can remember many days in my youth when my Dad had to listen to Browns games on the radio on Sunday afternoons because it wasn't on tv at home. Back in the day when we only had 4 tv channels. Do you think our kids will even believe us that tv's at one time didn't have remotes and only 4 channels? Sometimes I think I'm remembering it wrong.

The convenience stores of Wubby J.

Ashley is awesome. She sent me a box of goodies yesterday including more cute maternity tops and some baby clothes. The baby clothes are so cute! They're the newborn size, so they're incredibly tiny and adorable. I'm just going to admit it--sometimes I hold the newborn size clothes in my arms to get an idea of what size this baby is going to be when he's born, and I get all misty-eyed. J always knows when somebody has given me baby clothes, because he can hear me in the living room going "Awww! Look how cuuuuuute! Honeeeeey! He's going to be so tiiiiiiiiny!" It occurred to me yesterday that when our baby is born, the cat is probably going to outweigh him by at least five pounds though. I just hope Wubby doesn't think the baby's a toy or he'll try to hide him under the bathroom rug.

I woke up this morning thinking it was Friday. What a letdown reality was.

Living with the polar bears

So check this out: our health insurance doesn't cover Prevacid. Jerks! My doctor prescribed it for me yesterday for my pregnancy heartburn, but the pharmacy said I couldn't get it. Now, I don't know if that means it would just be so sky-high expensive to buy it off the health plan that they didn't even bother to tell me what it would cost or what, but it was so annoying! The pharmacist said something about me not being old enough to be covered for this particular medication and I replied "But I'm pregnant." She was not moved by that argument. Apparently, if I was 55 and pregnant, then I could have it. Pfft. So I'll have to call my doctor today and see if there's something else I can try that the insurance will actually cover. I hate to sound like a broken record here, but the state of health insurance in this country is sucking more and more. Where we were once at a Hoover-like state of suckiness, I feel as though we are careening towards a black hole of suck that will turn the entire medical universe into dense anti-matter and wipe it out for good. And then I will move to Sweden.

I am a jelly donut!

Ahhh, politicians, those delightful scamps. I caught the news story today about the senator from Idaho who was arrested for soliciting sex from an undercover police officer in an airport bathroom. Classy. And this senator has apparently always been very anti-gay rights, so not only is it seedy, it's hypocritical, too. It's the one-two punch of political suicide! I don't know, I've said it before and I'll say it again, but there's just nothing about homosexuality that bothers me, so I don't know why politicians won't just be themselves on this issue. I guess I can understand that a lot of people (in fact, the majority of Americans, it seems) don't like giving homosexuals the same rights that heterosexuals have, and I shouldn't judge anybody for their misgivings because it would be a big change in society. But, I'm just saying, in my experience, I've been far more worried about some of the heterosexuals I've known than the homosexuals. Especially the gay kids I know here at school--they're always very polite, fun and responsible. The straight kids seem to be the ones who are out setting couches on fire and passing out in gutters on the weekends. But we might just have a lot of kooky kids here. It's hard to say.

Those baby bedding sets cost more than our house

We went to Babies R Us on Saturday and finally got our registry set up. That was such a blur. We were trying really hard not to get too bogged down in any one area, so we sort of flew through there, shooting the scanning gun like drunken outlaws at anything that seemed cute or necessary and then turned in our gun and retired to Burger King for some Icees. And the really funny thing was that when we got home, I went on the Babies R Us website to see if stuff was up yet or not (it was), and I couldn't remember picking out several of the things that were listed on the registry. Apparently, we picked out a duckie washcloth set that I have no memory of whatsoever. Interesting. But I was just glad the fleece monkey blanket was still on there. Every child should have a monkey blanket.

I also watched a very interesting program on the National Geographic channel yesterday about grizzly bears attacking and eating black bears in Yosemite Park. Remind me to run next time I see a grizzly bear. Those things are serious!

Dale Junior!

I braved the sweltering heat and insane downtown motorists last night to go to Trader Joe's. And it was TOTALLY WORTH IT. That place makes the best granola cereal. Their "just the clusters" vanilla almond is really enough to get me up in the morning and get me to work without complaint. I also got some toffee bars, sparkling lemonade (which is going to flood my esophagus with gastric juices, but I don't even care), hummus and pita chips, among other things. It's still too bad about the feta cheese embargo because I couldn't get a Greek pizza, but I can wait a few more months. It's cool. But I might start instituting a regular trip to Trader Joe's on Thursdays because it really feels like a delightful way to start a weekend. Now all I need is my lottery tickets, Mountain Dew and Marlboros, and I'll be set for Friday night. Whoo!

Mr. Staypuft

I realized with a jolt last night that nephews #4 and #1 have birthdays coming up in the next couple weeks and I hadn't even thought about what to get them yet. Whoops. These are the ones that live in New Orleans, so I'm tempted to just send them ice packs, but they probably wouldn't enjoy them as much as toys, so I'm going to go with toys. Of course, my brother and sisters always tell me their kids have enough toys as it is, but I have no clue what else kids under the age of 5 want. Probably a whole day at Chuck E. Cheese with unlimited tokens, Coke and pizza, but I don't have that kind of scratch. It really does make me wonder where all these toys end up going as the kids grow up. Because I've seen people's houses where entire rooms and closets are full of toys and at some point that stuff is going to have to go to make room for Clearasil and $200 sneakers. Huh. Yet another mystery of parenting.

I got an actual craving on the way into work this morning. All of a sudden, a spoonful of chocolate frosting out of the can sounded awesome to me. Mmm.

Death Pockets

Man, I'm glad I don't live in northern Ohio right now. They got some really bad flooding up there yesterday. My favorite part of the local news was when the weatherman was relating a conversation he'd had with a flood victim who was upset because he'd lost his NASCAR memorabilia collection. Oh, the humanity!

I stepped on the scale this morning. That was a mistake. I should have given myself a couple more days to work off that chocolate-and-peanut-dipped ice cream cone I got on Sunday. Oy. I really don't want to put on too much weight while I'm pregnant, but the scale just keeps going up and up. Well, perhaps if I give up eating half a box of Dibs, that would help. Yeah. That might do it.

Browns Backers

I'm so happy that football's back on tv. I got sucked into watching the Colts play the Bears last night instead of doing my pregnancy yoga, but I just couldn't help myself. It's a pre-season game, so it's not even that important, but I'm still psyched that it's getting to be autumn and I can now spend my Sundays the right way: sitting on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and a mug of hot chocolate, yelling at blind referees and butterfingered wide receivers. Ahh, yes, good times. I'm very disappointed in one Mr. Michael Vick, however. He was my fantasy quarterback last year so I feel somewhat obliged to him, but I will never forgive him for this dogfighting ring he was running. Frankly, I'm kind of glad he's not going to trial because I think I would have learned far too much about what an abusive, angry person he must be, and I'd prefer not to know precisely how he electrocuted dogs. Man. And, like J said last night, if you can do that to a dog, just imagine what you can do to another human being. Disturbing.

Chicka chicka wubbiss

We went and saw Superbad yesterday. That's a pretty funny movie, although there were moments where I was thinking "Do kids these days really talk like this?" I must have hung out with too many church-going girls in high school, because, wow, I'm easily shocked. But if anybody else saw it, did you get the impression that the Evan character was gay? And I'm not saying that because he respected women and seemed like a nice guy; he just seemed a little too affectionate with that Japanese kid. I'm not judging...I'm just asking.

It was a really good weekend all around. The weather was a little cooler, so we took a couple walks, got ice cream, sat out on the porch, etc.... Of course, I also got attacked by a bee while we were in the woods on Saturday. It wouldn't stop buzzing my ear, so finally J whacked the living daylights out of the thing, it fell to the ground stunned and then he squashed it with his shoe. My hero! Seriously, if that bee had stung me, I would have had quite the swollen head today. I'm not deathly allergic to bee stings, but I swell up like a mother when I get stung. You should have seen what happened when I stepped on fire ants, too. Grotesque.

Do you see what you get, Carla, when you mess with the warrior?

Ahhh, Friday, you sweet, sweet balm of joy. It hasn't even been a really bad week--it's just been stressful at work. Some of my equipment stopped working, which set back my timetable for getting things done, and that was frustrating. But, luckily, I'm one of those people who can take half a step out the door and forget all about it at the end of the work day. Occasionally, something from work will stick in my head when I get home, but it's pretty rare. I think this is one of the things that keeps me relatively sane. I hear stories about people who already work 50 hours a week and then ask for laptops specifically so they can take work home, but that don't make no sense. Why would you do that? Why would you want a work Blackberry or cell phone so people could call you at home after you've been in the office 8 hours? It's completely antithetical to my way of thinking. Of course, this also explains why I'll never make it to CEO of GM. I'd be all "Don't worry about it, the cars look just fine" while they burst into flames on the assembly line.

Oh, and thanks for all the tips about the body pillows! I'm going to go out tonight and pick one up. I had another night of achiness, so I'm really looking forward to some relief.

Flexor

Good news--I think I've been feeling the baby move the last couple nights! I'm really not 100% sure that it's not gas, but from what other moms have been telling me, this sounds a lot like baby disco time. I guess I'm actually entering into that phase where people can tell I'm pregnant, and I can tell I'm pregnant and not just suffering from a 4-month-long flu. And that is very cool. Now if I could just figure out a way to stop my hips from aching. My hips have always felt somewhat arthritic, but this sleeping on my side all the time is really doing a number on my left hip. But I suppose this is a good lesson in what I'm going to feel like when I'm 80. I am so getting a HoverRound.

Monkey on the lam

My favorite commercial right now is definitely the Arby's one with the chimpanzees doing the Irish dancing. That one cracks me up every time I see it. It's not just cool to see a bunch of monkeys line-dancing. Oh no. You have to look at the face of the chimp in the middle because he's got this enormous grin and he's shaking his head back and forth and looking ridiculously entertained. I love a good dancing monkey commercial. There really aren't enough of them.

I had a day off work yesterday, but I spent a lot of it taking care of J who caught some nasty cold that was causing all of his bodily humors to change color. I have found, however, that when we fed him some KFC mashed potatoes with gravy, he started feeling a lot better. Never doubt the medicinal properties of properly prepared mashies, people! They're a miracle worker.

I'm going to have Frye's lower horn jerked

We saw The Bourne Ultimatum yesterday. Excellent movie. The action sequences in that trilogy are always so good. Generally, I have trouble following the plots in Bourne movies, but this one was pretty straight-forward. Plus, there's nothing wrong with staring at Matt Damon punching people for two hours. I wish I could disarm assassins with only my bare hands and the occasional encyclopedia. That would rule.

I'm still feeling giddy knowing that we're having a boy, too. I was thinking about it all weekend. I have the utmost admiration and respect for people who don't find out the sex of their fetus, but I'm glad I did. The suspense was too much for me. I fear if I'd told the technician not to tell us, I'd have spent all weekend looking at the ultrasound pictures looking for clues. I'm my own worst enemy.

The male of the species

It's a boy! We had our 20-week ultrasound this morning and we're quite certain we're having us a little lad! It was so cool seeing the ultrasound pictures. The level of detail you can see in those things is just amazing. We could see ribs, heart valves, all 20 fingers and toes, eye sockets, etc.... We even got some of the 3D pictures, which were quite interesting. The 2D ones show so much of the insides that it was cool to see what the outside of the baby looks like. And he even opened his mouth once in the 3D pictures, which was just adorable. And it feels so cool now to know that he's a boy. I just picture a little J running around in polo shirts and short pants with a keyboard strapped around his neck. Heh. I'll tell you something, this kid does not stand much of a chance of being a World's Strongest Man contestant. Chances are, he'll either be a liberal arts geek like his mom or a computer geek like his dad. And either would be fine with me. As long as he wins a Nobel Prize in something, I'll be happy. Heh heh.

I'm just a gigolo

I was watching the Top 100 Songs of the 80's on Vh1 yesterday and have come to a conclusion: Janet Jackson may be the dumbest celebrity on the face of the planet. And I'm including Jessica Simpson as a celebrity, so that's saying a lot. Wow, whenever I see Janet in an interview, it's like she can barely string together a coherent sentence. And she's got those blank, dead eyes. I mean, I suppose it's possible she's not stupid and she's actually an android or an alien, which makes it less of her own fault, but I'm inclined to think she's just an idiot. I used to think Winona Ryder was really stupid because of how she came off in interviews, but I've decided she was probably high at the time. Next up, I need to determine if Scarlet Johannsen is as dumb as I think she is or high.

Oh, and when it came to the countdown, I can't believe Queen and David Bowie's Under Pressure came in behind Here I Go Again by Whitesnake. We live in a messed-up world, my friends.

Spice girls

I talked to Ashley and Mark last night and, happily, they both sounded good and strong! Mark never fainted or anything, and Ashley is such a tough cookie. She was trying to describe the pain of the c-section, and I was in total awe that she was able to sit there and discuss it with me, as opposed to how I believe I would behave (eg. lots of moaning, wailing and using hospital equipment as missiles). I also asked Mark how much of the delivery he saw, and he said he only looked when the doctors told him to. Smart man. I watch those birthing shows on Discovery Health Channel, and they're already pretty grody even with the blurring out they do. I'll just never understand how babies come out three different colors like that. It is so weird! But I hope all three of them were able to get some good rest last night and that Ashley's nurses were generous with the pain medication. Cause, really, would an extra dose of Percoset hurt a woman who just gave birth to a 9-pound baby? I think not.

Let the poopy pants begin

I'm so excited to hear from Ashley today about the baby! I was trying to imagine what it must feel like to head off to the hospital knowing you're going to leave with a new baby and a whole new life to get used to. In the words of Marty McFly, "Heavy." But it's so exciting and cool. I hope they get lots of pictures. Not of the actual procedure itself because, well, I have no need for that, but I love the shots of the baby on the scale for the first time, usually with its mouth open and looking like it was caught mid-flail. Heh. Poor babies. That whole birth thing must be such a shock to the system.

And somebody has please got to do something to get that Kia Rondo commercial off the air for me. You know the one with the people in the rainbow shirts singing "Let the sun shine in?" Argh! Every time that comes on, I get that song in my head, and I hate that song. And, frankly, I have no idea what rainbows and sunshine have to do with selling a car anyway. They must be targeting a very specific demographic with that one.

Tonight we dine in Hell! Or, as I call it, "Applebee's"

This is how humid it is here today: on this morning's weather report, the satellite shot of the city had the green blob of rain all over it, but the weatherman came on and said "That's not rain. There's just so much moisture in the air that it's showing up as rain." Gah. And the drops of either dew or rain on my car this morning never evaporated as we drove into work. That cannot be a good sign. The only good thing about this is that I don't have the kind of hair that frizzes out in humidity. Otherwise, I'm sure I'd look like Monica in that episode of Friends where they went to the Bahamas.

I'm getting to so excited to hear news of Ashley's baby! We should definitely hear something tomorrow, but there's always that chance that the baby could come early. Squeal! I would guess that the delivery can't come soon enough for her. She was such a trouper working as long as she did though. Women these days are tough. There's no sitting around eating bonbons for us!

I left the womb and all I got was this lousy tshirt

I've come to the conclusion that I have GOT to get out of the house more. The past few months, I've been so tired that I haven't been doing my usual evening jaunts to Target, the gym, the library, etc.... I mean, I feel like I've got a fairly reasonable excuse in that I am really wiped out by the time I get home, but this lying around watching tv is getting really old. I need to, at the very least, find some good books to read or take up knitting or something. Especially with it being summertime, there is a dearth of interesting things to see on the tv. A dearth, I say! So I'm really going to try to get myself in gear and relearn how to entertain myself. Sure, I can't run to the mall and try on cute tshirts anymore, but I can always go and find accessories. Or better yet, actual things for the baby. So far I've been given some baby gifts, but once we know the sex, I'm going to start hitting the baby clothes section to find cute onesies that say things like "I brake for binkies." Yeah.

There's a fungus among us

Wow, that bridge collapse in Minneapolis was crazy! That is nuts that a bridge that size just fell apart like that. Dang. I wouldn't say I have a fear of bridges per se, but I always feel a trifle uncomfortable driving on a tall bridge over a large body of water like that. It doesn't feel entirely natural. Well, I hope they manage to find some more survivors today, although it amazes me that anybody made it out of there alive.

On a completely unrelated note, the soles of my feet have started to itch and turn red. Now, webmd tells me this is probably because of my increased estrogen, so I don't know if there's anything I can do to relieve it, but if anybody has ideas, I'm all ears. Pregnancy comes with the weirdest symptoms. Makes me glad I didn't go through this when I was younger, as, admittedly, I was even more wussy back then.

Norman? Hello?

The other day, I decided to go for a walk in a nearby park, so I asked J if he'd like to join me (and also protect me from would-be pickpockets), and he accepted. So he logged off his online gaming group and we had a nice turn around the park. Didn't get harassed by bums or anything! But when we got home, he logged back on to his group and apparently someone asked him where he'd been and he replied "I was taking my pregnant wife for a walk." I heard that and something about it bothered me but I couldn't figure out what, and then it hit me: what he said made me sound like a dog. And then I started thinking about that scene from When Harry Met Sally where Sally's like "So in this scenario I'm the dog? I'm the dog!"