I am your density

Argh! I fell asleep during Lost last night! One minute, I'm sitting on the couch and Desmond is holding the dying communications officer, then the next thing I know some woman is telling Eli Stone that his case is being retried. Son of a monkey's uncle. Did anybody get to see the end? I wonder if I can watch it online. Anyway, I did like the parts I saw. Personally, I find time travel to be pretty preposterous, but that story with Desmond was quite action-packed and fun to watch. But I just know something big happened at the end, and I missed it. Hot buttered rum.

We have discovered that Lil J enjoys it when you touch and rub his nose, and he's a big fan of songs about monkeys and weasels. But who isn't?

It's a Houdini pig!

It's been a trying day. The internet kept going out, and then I drowned my sorrows in too many Starburst jelly beans, so I ended up feeling anxious from email withdrawal AND nauseous from too much candy. Those jelly beans are impossible to put down though. They're like crack that the Easter Bunny leaves you.

Look at this face!

What's she going to do? Run off with some English guy?

We went to a birthday party last night for my father-in-law. Lil J did very well, I thought. Sure, he got projectile spit up on his Aunt Annie's shirt, but she didn't even seem to mind. You know, that was one really nice thing about the party--being around all those supportive moms. My mother- and sisters-in-law held the baby so I could eat and go to the bathroom, they brought me drinks while I was feeding him or he was asleep on my shoulder, stuff like that. J will do those same things at home when I ask him, but it was cool how the other women knew what I needed even before I did. It made me think that tribal societies really have the right idea when all the women pitch in to help raise the children. Not only is it easier on the mom, but I'm guessing kids really benefit from all that attention from different people. Cause, let me tell you, Lil J was showered with compliments and affection last night. Hey, maybe he'll start to get a big head from all the attention and his head measurement will get out of the 15th percentile. Go team!

What's Joey's favorite food? Sandwiches!

Oooh, Lost was excellent last night! I should have seen that ending coming since they'd actually shown Claire, but I was totally surprised. By the way, Claire sure got over Charlie quickly, didn't she? She was just all kicks and giggles. But, I'll tell you what, I just don't see why Jack and Sawyer are so ga-ga over Kate. She's very emotionally unavailable. But I suppose when you're stranded on a deserted island....

I got my hair cut yesterday. This was the second or third time I've gone to a salon, said I wanted my hair chopped, and the stylist replied "No, you don't" and then only cut off 3 inches. Why does that keep happening? Either I'm coming off very insecure or I look seriously fantastic with long hair. I'm guessing the former. Heh.

Maybe I do want to be a french fry

While I was feeding Lil J this morning, my mind started to wander, and I began to contemplate living in a once-lower-middle-class-veering-dangerously-close-to-upper-lower-class neighborhood. Did you know that there are 4 bars and 5 convenience stores within walking distance of our house but no restaurants and only 1 grocery store that's 5 minutes away in the car? We have plenty of fast food nearby, but if we want a nice sit-down dinner, we have to drive 15 minutes. And the only clothing stores around here are thrift stores. To get to Kohl's and Target, again, I have to drive 15 minutes. That's sad. I imagine that 20 years ago, it wasn't like this and there were many more respectable businesses nearby. But, when you think about it, it explains why the kids around here don't always look so great--how healthy can you be on a diet of Cheetos and root beer? At least most of them aren't doing the crystal meth...YET.

Kinoki foot pads

It's snowing. AGAIN. And then I saw on Oprah yesterday that 60% of Americans have a vitamin D deficiency. I'm starting to feel ricketts coming on.

Does anybody have a good salad recipe? We've got a family get-together this weekend and I've been assigned salad. And I'm completely adrift because I hardly ever touch the stuff. Unless, of course, you consider mixing Pop Rocks into applesauce "salad." I would just like to find something easy to make and portable, too. I suppose I could go buy a couple tubs of potato salad and put them in a bowl, but nobody's going to buy that I made that. Sigh. Sometimes I wish I was a better cook, but it's just so much more fun to eat food that other people have made. Am I right, or am I right?

Reagan smash

Lil J has started playing with the bouncy chair feature that plays music and flashes lights when he kicks the foot pads. And he doesn't gently caress them or anything. No, he wails on that sucker. And when you encourage him and yell things like "Who's a good baby? Who plays the sax like a Marsalis?", he gets even more excited. It's really neat. He's also whacking the toys hanging over his play mat, so it's just neat to see him interacting with things. He's still ignoring the cat though. Those two remind me of the USSR and America during the Cold War...except without all the ballerina defections.

Homeboy, I came to party

We went to our childbirth class reunion on Friday night. That was fun. It was good to share notes with other parents, and I was happy to have a reason to put on makeup. Interestingly, it seemed like none of the new moms had completely let themselves go. That would be gutsy to walk in to a dinner party looking like I normally do these days with the sweatpants and ponytail. Alas, I care too much about people thinking I don't bathe. Bah. But it was funny how at one point the other moms were all saying how much they go out, and I declared "I hardly ever leave the house. I just stay in and yell at the guests on Dr. Phil." They laughed, but you could tell they were thinking "What a loser." Which could be true, but, hey, taking out a hungry baby in winter is hard work. Besides, I think Lil J would miss the ceiling fan.

Sweet sassy molassy

Poor Lil J. When we got home from the pediatrician's yesterday, he fell asleep for over two hours. I was glad he got some sleep, but when he woke up I think he was both hungry and in pain from the shots, so he was just crying and crying. He sounded so pitiful. He was crying so hard that he wouldn't eat, too, so I kept trying to tell him he'd feel better if he ate, but it took him 20 minutes to believe me. Fortunately, he seems like his normal self today. He bounces back like a champ! You can't stop him--you can only hope to contain him!

I hope everyone has a good Valentine's Day. Despite all of J's protests that it's a holiday fabricated by Hallmark, he sent roses, a teddy bear and chocolates. Good man. Frankly, I don't care if Satan himself made Valentine's Day. I want candy!!

There's a fungus among us

Is it normal to want to chop off your hair once you have a baby? Cause as much as I like having long hair, I'm starting to seriously resent how long it takes to comb it out. After I wash it, I end up standing there in front of the mirror yanking my comb through it, muttering curses and getting more and more upset with my hair as if it's annoying me on purpose. I am losing my mind here, people. I want it short enough that if I pulled it back, the ponytail would stick straight back off my head. I don't want one of those mom haircuts that make you look 40, but, then again, I don't want to keep the long hair when it's so impractical in some sort of desperate attempt to cling to my youth. I've seen the commercials for The Real Housewives of Orange County. Mmm hmm. You know what I'm talking about.

The Great Wakkorati

It's snowing like a mother right now. And the weatherman is saying it's going to turn into freezing rain in a couple hours. I'm very annoyed that our employer didn't close today. I mean, sure, I don't have to go, but I'm irritated on J's behalf. I wonder if that made him feel better when he was out shoveling the three inches of snow off the driveway in the bitter cold while I sat in here on the warm couch in my jammies. I'm guessing probably not.

Lil J has been such a hoot the last week or so. He's been smiling and cooing a lot. He especially gets a kick out of it when you make fart noises at him. This should not come as a surprise really. Both my and J's families are famous for our intestinal theatrics. Lil J may not know it, but he's genetically engineered to make more gas than a country in the Middle East. He's so lucky.

Baby corn

My mother-in-law gave us some pictures that were taken in December, and even though it was just a couple months ago and you'd think I'd still remember it, I kept catching myself looking at the pictures and thinking "Ahhh, those were good times." I'm an idiot. But, listen, do me a favor and check out the following image:

Is this really what my nose looks like? It's huge! Wow, I had always thought my nose was more wide than long, but I'm going to have to rethink that. Doesn't Lil J look cute though? This was when he was a few days old and had the jaundice.

She's in Decatur...unfortunately, she's not staying

I'm just goimg to say it: Lost confused me last night. It was a good episode, but I have no idea what was going on with the discovery of the plane in the ocean, these four new characters, etc.... J and I were with Sawyer though--isn't it about time somebody shot Ben? I suppose his continued existence on the show lends an air of reality to it. I mean, in the real world you can't go around shooting people for being bug-eyed and annoying either. Good life lesson there.

During the rerun of last week's episode, I started flipping channels and found Ice Castles on Pax. That was quite the trip down memory lane. I saw that movie when I was about 8, but it was amazing how much I remembered. A blind figure skater. What a bizarre idea for a movie. I'm thinking about writing a contemporary remake called Shrubbery Palaces about a blind lawn dart champion. Think of the drama, the suspense, the bloody spectators. Genius!

I'm A god; I'm not THE God

Well, it's finally happened--I've seen all the episodes of How Clean Is Your House on BBCAmerica. Sad. Now I've got to find something else to watch at 3:00. I tried watching Guiding Light yesterday, but that was just excruciating. They seriously expect me to be down with Harley stealing her niece's fiance? That's just gross. I need to either develop a taste for Hell Date on BET or get a hobby. I wonder how good I'd be at macrame. Huh.

Anyway, I'm excited to watch Lost tonight. I need to remember to record it even though I'm planning to watch it because last week Lil J cried through a lot of it, so I had to guess at the dialogue. It was kind of like watching a mime but far less annoying. You know, if more mimes looked like Hurley or Jack, people wouldn't punch them so much, I'm sure of it.

Don't drive angry!

I was having such a weird dream right before I woke up. I was sitting in this house chatting with Hannibal Lecter, and then I got up to look out the window because the space shuttle was sitting there waiting for me, J, and Lil J to board. So when I turned around, the car seat that Lil J had been sitting in was flipped over, and I started screaming "My baby!" in a hysterical Southern accent and generally freaking out. It was like four dreams smushed into one. It's like my brain is consolidating because it knows I don't get long stretches of sleep anymore. So efficient.

I'm looking at John McCain's wife, Cindy, on the news. She's one of those chicks where you can't tell if she's 35 or 55. That is so creepy.

Nasty, Jimbo, Stink and Jumbo

Ahh, what a gratifying Super Bowl. I really didn't want the Patriots to win because I was so darn sick of hearing about how "wonderful" and "perfect" they were. Gag! So it was quite satisfying to watch the Giants pull off the win. And Lil J seemed to enjoy his first Super Bowl, too. He started crying when the Patriots scored their 4th quarter touchdown and then stopped when the Giants went ahead again, so I believe I have taught him well. My work here is done. I thought the commercials were good, too. My favorites were the Macy's balloon Coke ads and the E-Trade talking baby. And the one with Justin Timberlake getting hit in the 'nads repeatedly was pretty good, too. Punk.

Melancholy demons

I asked Lil J yesterday if he knew yet which college he wants to go to, and he replied "Nnnnnguuuuu," so I said "Duke? You want to go to Duke?" and J hollered from the computer room "No son of mine is going to Duke!" Which was an interesting statement, I thought. But it's true--even though Duke has a great academic reputation, it has gotten some really bad publicity of late, what with the rape allegations, botched surgeries, etc.... But I'd still be ok with Lil J going there. As long as he doesn't pick Clemson just to spite me.

Lost was good last night! I tell you what, watching it in high definition is really cool. The scenery is gorgeous, and you get to see every wrinkle on the actors' faces. Juliet is no spring chicken, let me just say.