Xavier Cougat

What a nice weekend. It was warm, sunny and breezy here both Saturday and Sunday. Of course, I napped through most of it, but it was nice just knowing how lovely it was outside. There must have been some vaporized Ambien in the air 'round here, because J slept for over 12 hours last night. And considering he wakes up at 7 to come to work, that's quite a chunk of rest. Around 9 last night, I thought about waking him up because I was afraid he'd have trouble sleeping through the night (listen to me, I act like he's 2 years old), but I didn't and he dozed just fine. Amazing. I honestly can't remember the last time I slept for 12 hours in a row. It was probably back in '97 when I came home from studying abroad in England. I remember leaving London in the morning then being awake for 36 hours before I finally got back to Ohio and conked out. And that, my friends, was the last time I slept well. Sometimes I think I should sign up for some elective surgery just to catch some z's. It's so sick and wrong.

You can bite me, mother nature

They say that a good night's rest can make everything seem better, so it's a darn cruddy thing that I woke up early again because I'm STILL mad about last night. There were some tornadoes in the southern part of the state, and even though Columbus hardly got any rain, the NBC station kept pre-empting my shows because the warnings were in the larger viewing area. So I didn't see any of Earl, I saw about 10 minutes of The Office and I missed several parts of 30 Rock and Scrubs because the meteorologist kept coming on to update the tornado warnings. Now, the intelligent part of me understands why they did that and how important it was to the people in the affected areas, but the bigger part of me was just plain pissed. I'm not kidding, I was in such a foul mood after that. J started cracking his knuckles around 9:45 and I almost poked him in the eye with a grapefruit spoon, poor guy. I wonder if I had actually maimed him, if that would be counted as a weather-related injury? It should be.

No more rhymes now, I mean it

I actually slept until 5:45 this morning! Success! I might actually be alert enough today to perform basic tasks like inserting food into my mouth and brushing my hair. Last couple days, I've probably looked homeless with my raggedy hair and food stains on my clothes.

So I thought Lost was excellent last night. That opening joke with Hurley shooting the flare gun cracked me up, and it just got better from there. I have no idea what's up with that island with the Russian coming back to life, men's sperm counts being so high, etc... but it was lots of fun to watch. And I really hope Juliet figures out a way to save Sun because after I saw her get all bad*#% on Jin's mother, I totally want her to live so she can kick more hiney later. Right on, sister. Rock on with your bad self.

Chocolate volcano

Ok, this is how much of a cold-hearted rat I am: when I heard the news this morning about the tornadoes in Texas and how a family died because they took cover in a mobile home that was picked up by the wind and crashed into a school, my first reaction was "What kind of idiot takes cover from a tornado in a mobile home?" I am a jerk, but, honestly, that's a really bad idea. To me, that's akin to taking cover in a lightning storm underneath a golf club. There has got to be a better option out there, people.

Just watch though--today will be the day that a tornado siren goes off here in Columbus and I walk outside to see it and end up being thrown into a dumpster for being such a weasel. I'd be getting my just desserts. Mmm...dessert.

Finally, Peter grows his bangs out

I got the ol' one-two punch of insomnia last night: it took me forever to fall asleep and then I woke up at 4:30 and couldn't fall back to sleep. For crying out loud. I need to get a cot and a blankie in here.

Heroes last night was very good! That was sad about Isaac, but are we to assume that he drew his vision of how to stop Sylar in the comic book or in his sketch book that he gave the messenger? And I enjoyed the short fight between Peter and Sylar. That shard of glass in Peter's head was a mother! I'm surprised the tip didn't come out his nose. Yuck. But, as usual, some of the plot lines confused me because I'm unable to keep track of who's who and who knows what anymore. So I'm just trying to enjoy the ride and hit "mute" whenever Linderman, Mrs. Petrelli or Claire's dad start talking. It's just easier that way.

Some of the birds will not survive

So instead of going outside yesterday and enjoying the wonderful weather, I stayed inside and watched hour after hour of Planet Earth on the Discovery Channel. No, the irony of that is not lost on me, but I couldn't tear myself away. They had some beautiful shots of mountains in Tibet, deserts in South America, rain forests in Bangladesh, etc.... It really made me want to travel and see something new. But I was not quite as psyched to watch all the scenes of predators eating their prey. It's bad enough to watch a Nile crocodile attack a wildebeest, but it's actually traumatic to see a snow fox eat a baby gosling in the arctic tundra. Gah. Honestly, I think if I didn't love hamburgers and pepperoni so much, I'd be a vegetarian. I have such a problem eating meat that looks like the animal from whence it came. I can't even eat a chicken wing without feeling guilty. I'm such a product of contemporary America. I like to think that if I was raised in the pioneer days, I would be able to field dress a deer that I just killed with only my wits and a big stick. But I might be kidding myself about that. It's entirely possible that I'm just a huge wuss.

We're all models west of the Allegheny

I only slept about four hours last night because I was feeling sick. Sweet merciful crap. I'm having one of those mornings where I'm so tired, I feel nauseous. But I'm sure it'll start to improve soon. It seems like (most of the time) if I can drag myself into work when I wake up feeling bad, I usually start to feel better around 10 a.m. Which leads me to the conclusion that I should have a job that starts at 10 a.m.. I need to get on that.

I loved 30 Rock last night with all the Cleveland references. I can assure you that Cleveland isn't that nice, although I think it's a very cool town. But then I heard the clip of Alec Baldwin yelling at his daughter on an answering machine this morning, and I'm starting to wonder if he's a sociopath, too. Is there some sort of mosquito bug going around that's making everyone crazy? What the heck?

Wax on

Somebody's going to have to fill me in on last night's Lost because one minute I'm watching the opening and Desmond's talking to a monk, and then next thing I know, he's yelling at Charlie and saying he shouldn't have saved his life and they found some chick hanging in a tree by a parachute. Whaaaa? That is just not the kind of show you can fall asleep in the middle of and it make any sense. Criminal Minds, on the other hand....

Ok, I'm not psychiatrist, but did anybody else think the Virginia Tech gunman seemed a little schizophrenic? I was watching his videos and, I swear, I couldn't even understand what he was talking about. Obviously, the guy was a sociopath, but I wonder if he needed anti-psychotic drugs, the kind that make you drool all day long but at least you're docile.

I just got an email from Alisa saying Sanjaya was kicked off American Idol. I'm surprised. I was afraid his big eyebrows were going to win it for him.

Graham Cracker Eclair Cake, courtesy of Kraft Foods

It's incredibly easy to make and even easier to scarf down an entire pan:

15 Honey Maid Honey Grahams, broken in half (30 squares), divided
1-1/2 cups milk
1 pkg. (4-serving size) Jell-O Vanilla Flavor Instant Pudding & Pie Filling
1 tub (8 oz.) Cool Whip Whipped Topping, thawed
1 cup chocolate ready-to-spread frosting

ARRANGE 10 of the graham squares, overlapping slightly, in bottom of 8-inch square baking pan; set aside. Pour milk into large bowl. Add dry pudding mix. Beat with wire whisk 2 min. or until well blended. Let stand 5 min. until thickened. Gently stir in whipped topping with wire whisk until well blended.

SPREAD half of the pudding mixture over graham squares in pan. Top with 10 of the graham squares and remaining pudding mixture. Cover with remaining 10 graham squares.

REFRIGERATE at least 3 hours. Spread with chocolate frosting just before serving.

It's a family name

My older sister has created a monster of the dessert kind. She made this eclair cake for Easter that had graham crackers, Cool Whip, vanilla pudding and chocolate frosting, and it was just delicious. So after Easter, J kept saying he wanted more, so I found the recipe and made another one on Sunday afternoon. It's already gone. It took me and J less than 60 hours to eat an entire cake. Gah. But, I'm telling you, it's really deceiving because all the Cool Whip is so light and airy that you don't get really filled up, so you end up eating a third of it before you realize what you just did. It's the dessert of the devil, I kid you not. And I figure I'll make another one on Friday. Mwa ha ha!

I'm going to try to hold it together today and not read any more stories about the Virginia Tech victims. The one about the Holocaust-surviving teacher who sacrificed himself for his students just ripped my heart out. But the more I hear about the shooter, the more disturbed I get. He really sounded messed up. I don't know what he was so angry about, but I wish somebody had managed to get him on valium much earlier in life.

Hokie stone

I can't get the Virginia Tech incident out of my mind. I had a high school friend who went there and then worked at the inn on campus after she graduated, and I visited her quite a few times several years ago. And the newscasters are right: it really is a gorgeous, friendly, quaint place. It's so hard to believe something like that happened there. I don't know, I think J would vigorously disagree with me about this, but I can't help wondering if our gun culture in America plays a part in these types of incidents. I've been around guys talking about guns, and there's this attitude that having a gun equals some sort of status. To people (mostly guys, from what I've seen) guns are cool, they're bad&*#, they're something to brag about. Yes, I think 95% of people are responsible with their guns, but there's something in our culture that seems a little off to me when it comes to weapons like that. Do I think the shooter at Virginia Tech would have found another way to do this if he didn't have a semiautomatic 9 mm? Yes. Do I think it would have been harder for him? I hate to say it, but yes. I guess I just wish everyone realized how dangerous guns are. To me, they are not cool at all. In fact, if somebody handed me a gun, I'd be all "And I'm supposed to do what with this?" before I shot my toe off. And that is exactly how I like it.

Farley farley farley hffffhrrrr

I wish I could figure out what Avril Lavigne is so angry about. She's been rich and famous since she was a teenager, she's married, she's cute, so why all the pouting and screaming? Kids these days.

You know how I mentioned a few weeks back that J's 19-year-old niece got married? Her mom told us this weekend that when our niece and her husband moved into their new apartment, their first two purchases were a couch (understandably) and an $800 wide-screen tv. Dang. The Army must be paying really well these days. I'm 32 and have been working full-time for about 10 years, and I still have my old 19-inch tv that my Dad handed me down in grad school. But I realized a while ago that I'm just not into tech purchases like a lot of people. I don't have an ipod, a stereo, digital camera or my own computer. Heck, last time I bought a CD was around 1997, I'd hazard a guess. The one techie thing I own is my cell phone. I love that it takes pictures and has a jaunty ring. But I refuse to get attached to it, because I know eventually it'll wind up in a lake or toilet and will have to be replaced. At least an $800 tv can't just fall into a toilet. So that's nice.

Now I kinda want to stick my arm in a baler

Gah. I'm home taking a vacation day today. Now take a guess what time I woke up. When my alarm usually goes off at 6:15? 5:30? Nope. 4 a.m.. Somebody please knock me out. I know I've said this before, but I'd really like to know what kind of human sacrifices I performed in a previous life to doom me to insomnia in this life. For crying out loud. The good news is that I can take a nap later. I have a few errands to run, but I really want to do some fun things like go to Trader Joe's and a salon, and that shouldn't take all day.

I enjoyed my shows on tv last night. The image of the watermelon jumping off the trampoline cracked me up. And Tracy's Jefferson trailer was pretty good, too. He actually looks good dressed up as a woman. That's such an interesting phenomenon when men look better as women. Of course, I'd never tell him that to his face. I do think that would offend.

I sit and listen to them by myself

I liked Lost last night. I had a feeling Juliet was up to something, but I was getting lulled into trusting her just like Jack. And then WHAMMO! She's a spy just like the rest of them. Do you think the Others ever get tired of lying, deceiving and back-stabbing? And do the Losties ever get tired of being gullible doofuses? I sure hope that by the end of the series, somebody finally decides to listen to Sayid because he's really the only one that doesn't have his head up his butt.

It's a good thing something good was on tv last night because I needed the distraction--we came home from work and the Wubby J. had gotten his poo all over the place. I think it got stuck to his fur and he was probably just doing his normal patroling of the house, but, man, what a mess that was. As much as I love carpet, sometimes I think hardwood floors are much superior when it comes to cleaning. Plus, I still like to slide across the computer room floor in my socks.

It's like a party in my mouth

You know, I spend a little time every day looking at Myspace to see what the kids are up to these days, and I've come to a conclusion: nobody cares about spelling anymore. Have you seen what they type? It's all "ur so hott" and "im hom what u be out?" What? What does that mean?? And, honestly, I'm no paragon of grammar, but I'm getting a little concerned that when these kids are entering the workforce, monkeys will be taking the proofreading jobs from them. Pitiful. And then I'm walking into work today and I saw a sign on some gallery furniture that identified them as "pedistals." Sigh. This from someone who's actually in college.

In good news, however, Jones Soda is now making carbonated candy! It is delicious! And when you bite into it, it fizzes up. I love this stuff. I am adding Jones Soda Candy to my list of lovable candy inspired by pop, along with Bottle Caps and gummi colas. Mmm.

I'm not your clown! Don't diminish me!

I don't understand why my nose is so itchy today considering every last piece of pollen in the county is frozen. It don't make no sense!

It seemed like the entire Today show this morning was about Imus's stupid remarks about the Rutgers basketball team. Man, Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton were really letting him have it! Heh. Seriously, if I can go my entire life without using racial epithets and I'm not even paid to speak publicly, I think somebody whose job is on the radio can hold it together for a few hours. Geesh. Leave the slurs at home, sunny Jim. Me, I'm much more inclined to blame rappers. Now, I love the rap music, I really do, but I saw the video for Jay-Z's song Big Pimpin' the other day, and I was mortified by the image of women in that. They're all standing around in bikinis (while the men are fully clothed, of course) and getting champagne poured on them. Yes, that's right, that's exactly how the world is: I'm forever going to work in a bikini and getting doused in sparkling wine. Pfft. Stupid rappers. The more they get on tv and demean African-American women, the more license it gives idiot white guys to do the same thing. And every woman who lets herself be treated like that is giving tacit permission to a man to treat the women in his life the same way. Wise up, people!

There's baloney in our slacks

I hope everyone had a nice Easter! We drove through the driving snow to get to my Mom's, where we saw her, my older sister, her husband and nephews #2 and #5. We had so much fun and the little guys are just so adorable. Nephew #5 is almost one and he's quite the peekaboo player. And nephew #2 cracked me up--at one point, we were playing bean bags and he bonked his head against the wall. But he just stood up and shook it off, so I said "You are tough!" and he looked at me and replied matter of factly, "I'm three." Ha! Tough as nails.

I also read this weekend that Angelina Jolie has four full-time nannies. Now, I assume two of those are for Brad so he can get his hair to look right, but I still can't believe a man and woman need that much help raising kids. My Mom and Dad raised all four of us with only an occasional babysitter. Hollywood people are so wussy.

I accidentally cross-dressed

Did anybody else laugh so hard they cried during Tracy's Maury Povich dream on 30 Rock last night? Seeing Alec Baldwin dressed like Thomas Jefferson and giving the finger to the audience is an image that will bring me joy for years to come. Years, I say! I thought The Office was pretty funny, too. But I can officially say that I am sick of Jim and Karen. At first, I really tried to like her, but now I kinda want to yank her by the hair and poke her in the eye. Catfight! I'm pretty sure that in a fight between me and Karen, I could beat her. I would never go up against Angela though. She looks like one of those chicks that's freakishly strong.

Oh, and I wanted to mention that it's been snowing since Wednesday night. It is horribly depressing watching all the spring flowers wither and die in this weather. The one good thing about the return of winter is that all allergy sufferers have felt better the last couple days. And the less I have to hear hacking, the happier I am. So I have that going for me, which is nice.

The Pork Chop Express

Was it just me or did you spend last night's Lost wondering "Did I miss something here?" Where did the Others go? Did they actually abandon Juliette or is she just a mole to find out what's going on at the beach camp? Did the monster come after Kate because she hurt Juliette or for some other reason? I'm so confused. And did we already know that Sawyer had a kid or am I just imagining that? My poor brain. But I'm very excited because the very-funny-but-not-as-complicated The Office and 30 Rock are new tonight! Yay! Alec Baldwin rules. Oooh, one day when I can afford to buy and sell people, I'm going to have a dinner party with myself, J, Keith Richards, Alec Baldwin and Emma Thompson. Yesssssss.

I saw a bright light...I thought we were on

Sure, Keith Richards may have mixed his father's ashes with cocaine and snorted it, but he's still one of the people I'd like to meet before I die. Don't you think it would be awesome to have a beer with Keith Richards? Sure, I'd probably have two beers and then stop due to tipsiness and he'd be on his 8th bottle of tequila, but I bet he's a hoot. I've always liked the Rolling Stones and I think I generally am more fascinated by guitarists than lead singers...I mean, c'mon, if you could choose to hang out with Slash or Axl, you'd pick Slash, right? I bet Keith's brain is so pickled that he tells some crazy stories then forgets all about it 30 seconds later. And I bet if you're really nice to him, he'll give you, like, a car just for being fun. Keith Richards rules.

The paw paw patch

We had to get to work early today because the PC network is having some problems. So I'm sitting here enjoying my coffee and contemplating what I'll do when the computers come back up, while J is probably ripping his hair out, doing 80 things at once and fielding irate phone calls from teachers and staff. There's a lot to be said for not having responsibility for an entire system of computers. Word.

I saw on the news this morning that the pollen counts in some parts of the country are like 50 times what they normally are. That is crazy. Not that I needed another reason to avoid the outdoors, but that's kind of frightening. I keep picturing bumblebees buzzing around with loads of pollen the size of jumbo marshmallows attached to their legs. Bumblebees, always defying physics.

You can't spell "Dance" without "Dan"

My younger sister, her husband and nephews #3 and #6 came to visit yesterday. We had some wonderful weather, so we went to a park and Chuck E. Cheese's. You know, it had been probably about 15 years since I'd stepped foot into a Chuck E. Cheese (known as Showbiz Pizza when I was a lass), and I was amazed by the stimulation overload. I don't know how toddlers process all those flashing lights, colors, singing and pizza. But I certainly understand why they have beer and wine for the adults. Heavens. It was a great time though.

Oh, and J and I finally went to see 300 on Friday afternoon. I really liked that movie. I was thinking about the political and cultural issues for days afterward. And I'm not gonna lie, the image of Leonidas's naked hiney wasn't bad either. Heavens. But I can completely understand why some Iranians were offended by that movie. It's that typical Western perspective of the East as decadent, barbarian, recumbent and entirely swarthed in silk and gold. But, aside from that, I thought the action sequences ruled and I LOVED how the queen dealt with that a-hole councilman at the end. Take that!