How Jessica Simpson is like spiders

Ahhh, such a sad day. Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson are breaking up. As if we couldn't see THAT coming. I wish I could pull men aside and tell them "Look, I know this girl is very pretty, but the prettier a girl is, the less she has to be nice. Just remember that." It's true. And it goes for intelligence, too. I know it's a cliche, but think about this: Cameron Diaz is a millionaire. A MILLIONAIRE, people.

And it's just as bad with men. If a dude is incredibly hot, just be prepared to spend a lot of time not laughing and talking about calf muscles. Because he doesn't HAVE to have a sparkling wit...women will sleep with him even when he says things like "That ho at Dave's party on Saturday was weird. She was really quiet. She must be a lesbian." Sigh.

Man, a lot of celebrity couples are breaking up right now. In this trying time, I think we should find solace in the fact that the more successful Jessica Simpson is in her "acting" career, the less likely she is to have lots of children. And if she's not reproducing, I, for one, am sleeping better at night.