Put your backfield in motion
We had our second childbirth class last night. We learned some breathing techniques and got all sorts of homework to do. Freakin' homework. I have to find something to use as a focal point, come up with a mantra to chant and write a letter to my unborn baby. I have no idea what I'm going to write in this letter. I'm not the most sentimental person in the world, so when the teacher was talking about the "wonderful gift you'll give your child," I did that internal eye roll. Maybe I can just give him a link to this blog and be done with it. And I can't come up with a good mantra either. The other women in the class were saying things like "Every contraction is a good contraction" and "With every contraction, I'm closer to my baby." All I could think of was "No pain, no pain," which the teacher shot down as being "too negative." Plus, J and I got a case of the giggles while we were practicing our breathing because I told him I felt like an elephant and then he started singing that "Doing da butt" song. We are going to have such a warped son.
posted by Ann at 8:14 AM
7 Comments:
If you do decide to write a letter, write a funny, honest one to your kid. Don't try to be all ooey gooey with it. Just be you and it'll mean so much more.
I would have smacked the one who said, "With every contraction, I'm closer to my baby."
Yeah, that just didn't sound realistic to me. It's hard to imagine that when you're in the middle of labor, anybody can be that positive. I still plan on ripping J's eyebrows off.
I'll take your advice with the letter. That sounds much better than trying to get all sappy.
I never took a class, and from the sounds of it I'm glad! Man, I would have failed that sucker!! Good luck with the homework.
How about a mantra of "This is all his fault; This is all his fault" and your focal point can be a photoshopped pic of J's head on a spike being held by a native. Good times!
The bonus to the one day class- no homework! And my class was not nearly as touchy feely as yours appears to be!
Here's a mantra "Push him out, push him out, way out!" - from an old Bill Cosby routine
In your letter, you should write about the ridiculous child birth class you took :)
oh lord, a letter to your baby? our class wasn't touchy feely, either which is good b/c that is not us. I LOVE the "push it out" mantra! That was our mantra to EH when we were pottytraining her. :)You should have pinched your instructor for shooting down your mantra! The process of giving birth is not easy or fun; yes, the outcome is very worth it, but being positive after pushing for 2 hours, I was not.
I love that Bill Cosby thing. I forgot all about that. Too funny!
I remember that! The Breathing Cosbys! Heh. Awesome. Yeah, this teacher is really nice, but she does not share my irreverent view of bodily functions. But I should give her credit because she at least laughed when I said that if I wasn't giving birth at the hospital, I'd want to give birth at Cheesecake Factory.
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