Rollin' with the homies

I am so thankful I am not a teenager anymore. Whenever I hear a story about teenage angst, I'm just so, so happy I have moved beyond that maudlin, melodramatic period of life. And I wasn't even an unhappy teenager. I was a little shy and self-conscious, but I never passed out in a rave covered in my best friend's vomit or anything like that. Honestly, at this stage of the game, I'm glad I didn't have a boyfriend in high school either because, from what I hear, boys that age are nothing but one big testicle. They don't care about a girl's feelings or needs. They won't be satisfied until they've humped themselves unconscious.

Not that I think teenage girls are much better. They write bad poetry, cry a lot, throw keychains at people and make statements like "You're ruining my life!!!" I mean really. The only thing that can ruin your life is marrying Kevin Federline, so let's try to relax, ok? Sure, your butt is never going to look as good as it did when you were 16, but, all in all, I don't think it's worth it.