On a more serious note

Post number two for today! I was just perusing salon.com, reading an article by a doctor discussing his mother's recent hospital stay and surgery for a swollen intestine. And part of what he wrote choked me up a little bit:

"It's humbling, as a doctor, to be on the other side of things. I'd forgotten what it means to be close to someone very sick -- the intensity, the exhaustion, the uncertainty, the fear of what may come. We wanted to be smart, informed patients. We asked questions, sought answers and talked to other doctors. But clarity is a myth, and all we ended up doing was getting overwhelmed with opinions and second-guessing everything. We just had to do the best we could with what we thought we knew.
My mother consented to have surgery, a fairly routine one by many standards, and she recovered from it nicely. But I won't forget the look of horror and powerlessness on my father's face when he said goodbye to her as they wheeled her off to the operating room. How can anybody sane allow this?"

It's amazing how sometimes hearing your feelings in somebody else's words can make you feel better. We are trying to do our best with what we think we know. And we're not the only ones. Yeah.

Ummm...Phyllis, Stanley, Kevin

Believe it or not, but I actually got to watch all of The Office last night. Whoo! Such an awesome show. I was ridiculously happy about the development between Jim and Pam. Jim and Pam! When those two kids got together, I wondered if it would make the show less entertaining, but I think the opposite is true. They're so fun to watch when they're together. Last night's episode also made me wonder what it would be like to go to college at 27 instead of 17. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have gotten such good grades, as my academic record was entirely based on my having a good memory, and I don't remember stuff as well as I used to. Seriously, I think my ability to remember things was why I ended up in art history, since you have to recall so many exact dates. 'Twas a good fit. But other than the late 20's dementia, I think college at that age might actually have been more fun. Sure, I still have about zero alcohol tolerance, but I think I might have found better ways to spend my time and be less self-conscious. As a more mature adult, maybe I would have had the guts to go out for intramural field hockey or something. I could have worked out so much stress whacking girls in the shin with a stick. Sigh. Another missed opportunity.

Exqueeze me? I ordered the large coffee? Look at the size of this thing!

Am I right in thinking that The Office premieres tonight? Yay! I haven't been watching much tv lately, as Lil J's steroids have really kicked it up a notch and he's now on a sleep strike. But, I'm telling you, if NBC ever decides to start airing their shows from 2 to 3:30 a.m., they'd get some huge ratings out of our house. That's all I'm saying.

We seem to have reached an uneasy detente on the street. There wasn't any yelling or vindictive basketball playing last night. Of course, it helped that the neighbors weren't home. I believe they went to a football game. The 6-year-old next door has been sporting a football uniform lately, so I think that's what's going on. I sometimes envision what these football games are like, and I'm pretty sure the field is littered with shivs, bleeding umpires and cigarette butts by the end of it. These kids are going to be really well-prepared by the time they get to prison. When they're 17. Darn shame about that.

I'm slightly deaf in this ear. Speak louder next time.

Thank you very much to everybody who posted all those kind thoughts about Lil J's surgery. Poor J keeps going back and forth about what to do, whereas I'm pretty steadfastly holding on to my hope that we won't have to do the surgery and the hemangioma will miraculously disappear. And even I hear that voice in my head that responds "Ann, you are living in denial and not dealing with reality." Well, voice, you can suck it. Even I understand that once he gets off these steroids, we might not have any other choice. But I just can't view throat surgery as a first choice for him. I just can't. Hope is a funny thing, isn't it? Sometimes hope can make accepting a situation much harder, but I find it to be a very comforting way to get through a tough time. Am I sounding insane? I wonder if I'm sounding insane.

Anyway, the big news on the street is that we're pretty much at war with our bottom-dwelling neighbors. Police are being called, names are being yelled and threats to one's permanent teeth are being made on a daily basis. I know I sound haughty here, but I find it amusing that these people think they can tangle with us. They don't know what they're getting into. A) I don't do illegal things or neglect my child, so they have no weapons to use like we do and b) I read books. I cannot stress enough what kind of advantage that is in a situation like this. Trust me on that.

Pray for a miracle

We have a big decision to make when it comes to Lil J's hemangioma. He's currently on the second round of steroids, and yesterday our ENT said that he would not put him on any more after this because it would be just too dangerous. So if Lil J's hemangioma rebounds again (which is pretty likely considering it rebounded once already), we'll probably have to have the surgery performed to cut it out of his throat. And the ENT, in fact, said he'd prefer to do the surgery now, but he understood why we might want to wait and see what happens after this set of steroids. But here's what the surgery would entail: opening up his neck and throat and removing the hemangioma and probably needing to graft cartilage back into his neck, being on a breathing tube for 7 to 10 days afterward in the infant ICU and being sedated for that whole period so the wound can heal. And there's a risk he could catch pneumonia in there or have other complications. J is leaning more to getting the surgery over with, but I just can't bring myself to do that. I want to wait and see how the steroids go, although it sounds like I'm postponing the inevitable. It just sounds like such an awful ordeal for him to go through, especially since his breathing improves as he gets bigger. But, as J reminds me, if Lil J ever catches an upper respiratory infection that causes his throat to swell, he could stop breathing. What to do, what to do....

My brother and I would like to announce: "It's on like Donkey Kong"

We finally got our house for sale. Yay! The realtor came by on Wednesday while the power was still out and took pictures to put up on the website soon. I have no idea how they're going to come out considering the light wasn't exactly ideal, but that might be a good thing, as our carpet has seen just a tad of regurgitated sweet potatoes as of late. Ewww, I know. I realize that this is a really tough market to sell a house in, but I'm holding out hope that we'll get lucky and get out of there soon. We've already found a neighborhood where we'd like to move, and there are a couple empty houses in there just waiting to call themselves our next home. I imagine what it will be like to live in a place where people actually go to work, clean their homes and wear pants with zippers...it's like a dream...a dream where I'm not kept up until 10:30 at night listening to our unemployed neighbors playing basketball in the street and yelling "f#%* you!" every time they make a basket. Morons.

Heffalump

Power's been out in Columbus since Sunday. It's like living in Louisiana without the perks of beignets and Mardi Gras. Work was closed Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, but it seems like everything is on today. So I can finally check email. Score! Unfortunately, we still don't have power at the house. And the ironic part about that is how the storm hit Sunday night, but our power didn't go out until Monday. Apparently, the power company shut us down so they could repair more lines. Jerks. And it sounds like we won't get our power until tomorrow. Let me tell you something, taking care of a 9-month-old with no electricity is not fun. He's been adapting pretty well (heck, all his toys are battery operated anyway), but it's been hard for him to fall asleep at night with all the commotion outside. You never appreciate being able to close your windows on rowdy neighborhood kids until you can't anymore. Sigh. We've lost a lot of food from the fridge, can't do laundry and have to shower in the dark, but I suppose I ought to be glad that we still have water, a gas stove and our landline phone. Plus, the weather's been pretty cool so going without the a/c hasn't been too bad. I just want the power back though. I miss seeing Meredith Viera every morning. Sniff.

Guys, "Goose" is spelled with two "o"s

Have you ever been so tired that you're perpetually dizzy? I can't believe I drove to work like this. And DIDN'T kill anybody. Amazing. Yeah, Lil J was so hopped up from the steroids last night that he went to bed at 9 and woke up at 11, 12:30, 2:30, 3:30, and 4:30. I finally got to sleep from 5:30 to 6:30 and dreamt I started taking antidepressants to deal with it. That is what I was dreaming about. Medicating myself in order to get through the day. People, that is just sad. I feel like I'm about to fall out of my chair.

In good news, however, J's side of the family is celebrating those of us with September birthdays tomorrow, and I hear I'm getting a chocolate chip cookie cake. Righteous. As soon as they bring that out, I'm grabbing it and hightailing to the minivan to house on that thing. Word. Up.

Always look eye

Lil J had his first swing ride this past weekend. He seemed to enjoy himself quite a bit. Although, if you look closely, you can see the tips of his fingers are white from gripping those bars so tight. Better safe than facedown in a pile of mulch, I always say.

I was dreaming about tornadoes again last night. Maybe it's all the talk of hurricanes, but tornadoes seem to be in the forefront of my mind today. And it's odd because it's actually quite cool here. Not tornadoe-y weather at all. But sometimes tornadoes are like cobras--they strike when you least expect it. "Sweep the leg!"

Nothing cuter than a baby wearing pants

It was another fun night in the 'hood yesterday. The punk 12-year-old across the street claimed that J's nephew (who's about 21) punched him in the eye. So J braved all the commotion in the street to go ask his nephew what actually happened, and it turns out he threw a football (not meaning to hit anybody) and accidentally whacked this kid when the ball bounced after hitting the ground. But was that a good enough explanation for the nearby white trash? Oh, no. They were running into the street threatening to hit J's nephew, elderly ladies and anybody else they could get their hands on. It was chaos. I just stood in the doorway watching it all go down thinking to myself "These people are nuts." Yes, I judge them. I was also treated yesterday afternoon to the sound of my allegedly bipolar next door neighbor yelling that she tried to give blood in the morning but they rejected her. This does not surprise me. I'm pretty sure Red Cross doesn't need blood tainted with horse tranquilizers or whatever she's putting into her body to make her act so crazy all the time. We need to move.

Oh, and Lil J is doing all right on the steroids. He started them on Saturday night and was obviously not feeling well as a result on Sunday, but he seems to be evening out now. He's waking up more and seems pretty hyper, but his breathing is sounding better, so that's a relief.

Viggy, Viggy, Viggy, you have been a bad monkey!

We're taking Lil J to the pediatrician this afternoon to have his breathing checked out. It's been a few weeks since he stopped the steroids, and you can hear him breathe again. It's pretty discouraging. He's definitely not as bad as he was a couple months ago before he had his bronchoscopy, but he doesn't sound good either. I'll let you know what the doctor says. I'm also kind of curious to see if they weigh and measure him today. If they don't do it today, I know they will in a couple more weeks at his 9 month appointment, but I'm ultra-curious about his size right now. I look at that kid, and I would swear he's already the size of an 18-month-old. He's doing that thing when I'm holding him where he stiffens his entire body and goes all dead weight on me, and I can't hold him, so I have to put him down. And then he realizes what happened and wants back up, so I'm about yay close to having a hernia because he can't decide if he wants to be up or down. The boy is no lightweight, that's all I'm saying. At this rate, by the time he's 6, he'll be beating up entire gangs of bikers. With HIS CHEEKS.

Je voudrais telephoner bleu de bleu

As long as I can remember, I've had this annoying personality trait of wanting to be different for the sake of being different. It's not really on any conscious level, but I find myself disliking things simply because they're popular, and I don't know why I do that. Maybe it's not just me...is this a common feeling? And it's not any type of snobbishness. I mean, I love Target, McDonald's and watching football, so I'm not a total jerk. But I've come to the conclusion as of late that the best way to be a rebel in our current culture is to embrace my age. I'm serious. I'm going to start dressing in polyester slacks (and saying "slacks" because nobody under the age of 58 says "slacks" anymore), not plucking out my gray hairs and standing next to smokers when I'm outside so I can get some real wrinkles going on. And you know what has brought this on? Reading that Madonna and Michael Jackson just turned 50...and then looking at pictures of them and all the plastic surgery they've had and realizing that they look RIDICULOUS. They look like really skinny clowns. Yuck.

Is Eddie Vedder even speaking English?

I haven't wanted to mention it because I'm not sure if we're even going to be able to keep it, but we traded in my tiny coupe for a minivan on Saturday. It's a used Dodge Grand Caravan that's in pretty good shape, but, unfortunately, the night we brought it home, J drove it and realized the dashboard lights don't work. So he's supposed to take it back to the dealer today. If they can't fix it, we may be getting the coupe back. I swear, cars can be such a pain in the neck. I was annoyed with my Cavalier because it required acrobatic skills to get Lil J's car seat in there, so we found this minivan and when I saw the automatic doors, I was like "Sold!" I was just getting used to driving this mother of a vehicle, and then we find that out about the dashboard lights. Annoying! And, I'm not going to name names, but I don't think we'll ever get another car from this particular dealership again. Not only was our salesman kind of a smarmy buttwad, but they had pizza sitting out in the open on Saturday and never offered us any. Which is why when Lil J puked on their carpet, I smirked on the inside. Faulty wiring and no pizza does not make for happy customers, people!

The town elders cluck their tongues and say "What is to be done with this Homer Simpson?"

I just got this picture in email from my mother-in-law. I don't know how she did it (because J and I have been trying for days without success), but she got a really good picture of all of Lil J's teeth so far. You can even see the right front tooth making it's way toward the outer layer of gum. Behold:

And, let me tell you something, those suckers are sharp! I understand that, if we follow the guidelines, we are supposed to take Lil J to the dentist around his first birthday. Ok, but I'm not sure the dentist knows what he's getting into. I might bring some light armor for him just to be on the safe side.