Have the lambs stopped crying, Clarice?

I'm serious. If I have to eat another peanut butter sandwich for lunch, I'm going to stab some unfortunate soul with a butter knife. And I fear I won't be nice about it either. I'm quite certain that if I just had a bacon turkey bravo from Panera, I'd be satisfied. Just one. Waaaah! I never realized how much I'd miss deli meat sandwiches. Cause, you know, I'm sort of anti-meat a lot of the time because I start to feel sorry for the animal it came from, but, man, an Italian sub sounds soooo good right now. Dang it. Why must I always want the things I cannot have? Why did I choose to base my happiness in life around food instead of better things like cars and watches? I'm so stupid!

Hey, it's Friday. Nice.

He was always a rep-tile

Sweet cracker sandwich, Pepcid is a miracle worker. I finally went and got some last night because I was practically burning the cat's fur off when I breathed on him, and five minutes after I chewed the pill, I was feeling better. Ahh, sweet relief. And because the heartburn wasn't a problem, I slept a lot better, so it's entirely possible that I won't be falling asleep at my keyboard today and melting it with my mouth at the same time. My supervisor is going to be so relieved.

I saw Bruce Willis on The Daily Show last night. I'm seriously considering going to see Die Hard 4 soon. That and Transformers as long as the reviews for it aren't terrible. This is a good summer for those of us in our 30's who are keen to relive our lives from the 80's. All you have to do is ignore the iphone and go to a movie theatre. Heck, last time we went to the movies, I even saw a girl in leg warmers. And it's possible it was Soleil Moon Frye herself. It's possible!

Every cookie is a sugar cookie

So J and I were driving home from work yesterday, and we were on this side street behind another car that was slowing down because kids on bikes were coming the other way and riding in the middle of the street. But the man in the car in front of us just braked and waited patiently (and so did we), but when we passed the kids on the bikes, the littlest one (he could have only been about 7 years old) was gesturing and yelling "F*^% you! F*^% you!" at both cars. Now, I've been cursed out by other drivers before, but I can't recall a time in my life when a child did that sort of thing for no apparent reason. J and I were both floored, although J reasoned that the kid probably had one of those angry dads. I told him I thought it would have been funny if he'd leaned out the driver's side window and just punched the kid in the face. I'm going to make such a good mom.

Je suis quebecoise!

I have a doctor's appointment today, and as much as I'm looking forward to finding out how everything is, I'm completely terrified of the bills this visit is going to generate. Remember how I told you guys a few months ago how work was switching us to a health insurance plan with a health savings account and high deductible? Well, before my first prenatal visit, things were ok. J hasn't been to the doctor's at all and I only had my eye appointment, which wasn't too bad. But my first prenatal checkup a month ago has cost SO FAR about $480. The bloodwork, the ultrasound, the office visit all added up to that, and I don't know if that's even the last of it. So today I'm going back knowing that it's probably going to cost another few hundred dollars even if I just get weighed, have my blood pressure taken, and so forth. I swear, it almost makes me want to move to Canada. I'd have socialized health care and access to maple sugar candy whenever I want it. Oh, Canada.

Specsnyder

Sweet heavens to Betsy, I think my morning sickness might actually be getting better. For the last four days or so, I haven't felt as sick and I haven't been puking. Thank goodness. In fact, the only time I gag now is when I brush my teeth or if it's been a really long time since I ate (and, for me, that means about 4 hours). I can't tell you how relieved I am that my whole life isn't revolving around my stomach. Even if this is a temporary reprieve and the morning sickness returns at some point, I'm just so happy to feel better for a little while. I really wasn't sure how much more ice cream I could eat without turning into a whale. If that had kept up, I would have been eating 20 tons of plankton a day and making humming noises outside the boundaries of human hearing, I just know it.

You got a lot of nerve hanging out with those french fries

I notice that Katie didn't comment on my blog yesterday, so I'm automatically assuming that means she's gone into labor. And, yes, I realize how big that makes my head sound, but I'm really just very excited for her to have her baby. Not only do I think her baby is going to be adorable, but I'm always interested to hear a first-hand account of what childbirth is like. Me, I'm wishing they still did it like they did in the 50's where they knocked you out, then next thing you know, you wake up and there's a baby staring up at you from a crib next to your bed. What was wrong with that? Like my Mom always says, "No pain, no pain."

I'm so glad it's Friday. J's going to be working on the kitchen most of the weekend, and I intend to offer plenty of moral support by napping on the couch. I don't know how that's going to work, but that's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

You're pretty good for a quadriped

It is so odd to write in this blog during the summer because I have nothing to say about tv besides "there's nothing on tv right now." I feel so lost. I've actually been reading books and playing computer games at night to keep myself occupied. Maybe I should start watching Age of Love just to give myself something to talk about with people. Hold on, wait a sec, never mind...my stomach isn't strong enough to take reality dating shows at this time.

I'm so happy this morning because I finally slept last night. Whee! J helped me avoid a nap in the evening, so I did much better sleeping through the night. J was kidding with me yesterday saying I'm like his toddler and how he has to keep me up during the day so I can sleep through the night. And I can't even argue with him because it's absolutely true. I even rub my eyes and whine in a real high pitch when I'm sleepy. Waaah!

It looks like a big Tylenol

Well, I finished my section of library inventory yesterday. It wasn't easy because it's basically standing out in the stacks all day making sure each and every book is where it's supposed to be, and all I wanted to do was yak on the shelves. But I persevered and made it through without soiling anything or anyone. Score!

I just realized the 4th of July is only two short weeks away. I'm not a huge fan of the 4th of July only because it's usually so hot at that time of year, but I do love the fireworks, hot dogs and those red, white and blue popsicles. I'll have to see if anybody we know is having a cookout that day. I know I'm not supposed to eat a hot dog, but I wouldn't mind smelling one, and if I can find those popsicles, I'd be happy. Mmm...holidays. They're all about the food with me.

Jive turkeys ain't got no brains anyhow

It's a good thing I squeezed in a long nap last night because I was driving to the library earlier in the evening and hallucinating that the red lights on the street lights were turning white. Yeah. I wasn't sure if I should stop or go, so I just stayed where I was.

To all my Charleston friends, I saw that on the news about the furniture store that caught fire and 9 people were killed. Was that near either of you? That's so sad. And they mentioned that the store didn't have a sprinkler system. Aren't all commercial buildings required to have sprinklers? If they aren't, somebody needs to get on that. As the coach in Dodgeball said, not having sprinklers is "about as useful as a poop-flavored lollipop."

And when it comes to the Transformers movie coming out soon, I'm hoping it's 90% transformers and 10% humans...at MOST. I have a sinking feeling they're going to try to give it subtext and character development instead of just really cool special effects. Jerks.

"What does three up and three down mean to you?" "End of an inning?"

Let me preface this by saying my excuse for the following story was that I was really tired last night. I slept like a rock on Friday, but the rest of the weekend was spent tossing my cookies, going to family functions and then not sleeping at night. Ok, so I'm lying in bed last night trying to fall asleep, and I notice that my feet feel unusually cold. So my general paranoia kicks in and I start wondering if that means the circulation to my legs is dying. I'm thinking "Oh, this is it. It's finally happened. All those years of joking about sciatica and now the supply of oxygen to my feet is cut off, and I'm going to be an amputee, hobbling around the streets of Columbus doing handstands for spare change." Fortunately, I jiggled my toes and realized that I had my feet out from underneath the covers. Sigh. I am losing my mind.

And I don't even realize it

It's Friday! Excellent. It feels like this week has taken 8 days.

And all of you know now that I'm pregnant, so I feel free to discuss with you just how cruddy I feel this morning. I've gagged about a dozen times, but I feel successful in that I haven't actually puked. And it appears that if I suck on a peppermint, that takes away the gaggy feeling, but it's upsetting my stomach a little bit, so I'm really up poop creek without a paddle here. Except, I guess, that all this nausea should be passing in the next couple weeks. So the real question here is whether the paddle of time will show up before or after I go over the waterfall of poop. What a metaphor. People, I am a poet.

Oh, and I finally got to see the whole Diwali episode of The Office in a rerun last night. Hilarious. "If you die, does your wife have to throw herself on a fire?"

Cat scratch fever

Man, the Wubby J. sliced and diced my arm this morning! I was sitting on the floor playing with him and J wanted to brush him since it's summer and he's shedding like, well, he's shedding like a long-haired cat, basically. But the minute Wubby saw the brush, he flipped out, pushed off of my arm and left a 3-inch cut down the soft side of my forearm. This was half an hour ago and it's still bleeding. I've got four Band-aids on it, and the blood is soaking through them. And all this because he didn't want to get brushed. But I understand in a way--apparently, when I was a child, I wouldn't let my Mom brush my hair either. So I had this mop of tangly blond hair that stood up. When I look at pictures, I think I resembled a blonde, baby Einstein. I was trendy before it was trendy to be trendy!

It feels good to be a gangster

Ahh, I watched Office Space on tv last night for a little while. That's such a fun movie to watch if you've ever had one of those cubicle/nightmare jobs. That really is such a fantasy--to not show up to work when you don't feel like going, not making any excuses for yourself, and then wearing flip flops the days you decide to go. Ahhh, that would be sweet. My nightmare job like that was temping at a sales office between college and grad school. My boss actually walked around with a coffee cup and said just as many obnoxious, clueless things as Lumberg. And one time he got angry with me and actually didn't speak to me for like three weeks. Ugh. I really detested that place. Not as much as I detested jobs where I actually had to do sales, but this was really bad in its own right. It all just makes me glad I got my degree and found a job in academia. I get along much better with nerds than I do with greedy salesmen/weasels. And I mean that in the nicest possible way.

Sigma Chi rules!

I pretty much slept like a log last night, which was sa-weet, but then I had this dream before I woke up that J and I were at a campground, and Gary Busey was there getting trashed with some stripper, but that made me and J decide that playing drinking games sounded like fun, so we were doing shots and ultimately passed out. This isn't like my normal dreams at all. This sounds like the fantasy of a 22-year-old frat boy. And, I'm telling you right now, if reincarnation is real, the LAST thing I want to come back as is a frat boy. I liked college too much to spend it working on my alcohol tolerance. Seriously, those dudes can drink like 40 beers in a night. That takes work and effort. I personally think it's just easier to read a book. That's all I'm saying.

And, no, I did not get a tan

We had a wonderful time in Florida last week! The weather was beautiful, it was very relaxing, and we got to do some fun things, so it was great. On Friday, a couple of J's friends came and picked us up and took us to Cocoa Beach, so we even got to see the shuttle take off, which was very cool:

But, really, we had a lot of fun just hanging out and catching up with friends:

It's not easy coming back to Ohio after spending the day lazing around on boats and seeing stuff like this:

But at least here, I don't have to worry so much about reptile attacks:

I dreamt of alligators last night

I can't believe it's June already. This means there's no way around it: summer is coming and I still haven't found a pair of ol' reliable sandals yet. As many shoes as I buy every summer, I always end up wearing one pair about 80% of the time, and I don't think I've hit on them yet. But I will. Maybe I'll find a pair in Florida while we're on vacation. I'm so excited to go. It's going to be very nice to have a change of scenery and break up the old routine. My plan: to lie around at the pool all day and eat until I want to vomit. Aww yeah.