Gary Gnu

It is 8:30 in the morning and I'm already ready for bed. Good grief.

I'm really looking forward to Halloween tonight. We're going to dress up Lil J in the bumblebee costume my sister gave us, take him around the block and then hand out candy at the house. Normally, we have lots of trick-or-treaters, so I'm curious to see if it's the same this year. I hope the Care Bear kids are out this year. I always give them way too much candy just because they're so cute. And, I'm telling you right now, if we get more of these 18-year-olds with newborns who say the candy is for the baby, this year I'm just giving them empty candy wrappers. So annoying. But then the rest of the weekend will be spent looking for houses, watching the Browns with my Mom and trying to talk J into going to the Amish restaurant for breakfast because if I don't get a foot-long donut soon, I'm GOING TO GET STABBY.

My grandmother hung me on a hook once. Once.

Good news from the ENT--we're going to wait another two weeks to try anything for the hemangioma because right now Lil J's breathing is sounding pretty good. So that's a relief! We'll hope he's still doing ok in another two weeks. Now if we could just get him to stop eating Wubby's cat food....

We didn't have any extraordinary bouts of luck looking at houses last night. One of the owners actually locked the screen door so we couldn't even get in. Doofus. So we were peeking in their windows, and we noticed their kitchen is the size of a broom closet. I'm no Martha Stewart, but even I like a couple feet of counter space. Pfft.

On the way home from work last night, J also informed me that he's found an $1100 gun that he wants to buy. He's mostly kidding, of course, but I was shocked at the price of that thing. So I told him "I am shocked by the price of that thing," to which he replied "But it can shoot underwater!" And I said "You know what else can kill a person? A baseball bat. And they're, like, 20 bucks." His quick retort was "But you can't swing a baseball bat underwater," and then I pointed out "You know what else can kill a person underwater? A steak knife. You can pick one up at Target for $7.99. $7.99." But I just don't think he was buying it.

Man's inhumanity to Ann

I don't know what it is, but there's something ridiculously adorable about a kid in feetie pajamas.

So we put in a couple lowball offers on really nice houses this past weekend and both owners came back with similar responses: "Dream on." So we're on to Plan B. We're going to look at a few more houses this week and this weekend. It's interesting to me this phenomenon of people buying houses with cash and therefore having no mortgages and not needing to sell at a low price. In my neighborhood, that just doesn't happen. It's not even noteworthy anymore when one of our neighbors gets their gas or water turned off. You just see them going from house to house carrying buckets and extension cords. But, again, this is why we're busting our humps trying to find a nice neighborhood to live in. I don't want Lil J to grow up thinking that sort of thing is normal.

Brick, where did you get that hand grenade?

I hope nobody does anything silly today and tries to, like, talk to me or something. Because I am really not in the mood. I need a neon sign on my forehead that blinks "Lil J was up at 10:30, 12:30, 2:30 and 3:30 last night. Leave me alone." I really have no idea what was bothering him either. It wasn't too hot or cold in his room, he wasn't sick...I'm at a loss. Growing pains, perhaps? I just hope he sleeps better tonight.

But here's the good news: we got an offer on our house! A family looked at it yesterday afternoon and faxed an offer last night! Wow! We are shocked by how quick that was. And I know that these things can fall through, so I'm not getting my hopes up entirely, but it's just very encouraging. We should know sometime today if it'll work out. I shall keep you posted. Very exciting!

I saw that. Brick killed a guy!

I'm in the midst of searching for what is turning out to be the most obscure Matisse line drawing EVER. I was just flipping through a book that claimed to contain all of Matisse's drawings, and it wasn't in there. What is going on?? These are the trials I suffer as an image librarian. I know, it's fascinating stuff. I think there's a pretty good reason the most successful dramas on tv are about lawyers and doctors. There's only so much emotion you can elicit from watching someone catalog periodicals. Like squeezing blood from a book about turnips.

Hey, did I mention it's finally gotten cold here? As much as I'm loving being able to wear long-sleeved shirts that hide my beefy upper arms, I'm kind of at a loss when it comes to finding ways to entertain Lil J when we can't go outside. He's bored with our current arsenal of toys, so I'll go out and buy some more, I guess. How did pioneer people entertain babies in the wintertime? "Here, Billy, let's flay this ox carcass after dinner. Then we'll go sleepy-night-night. Whee!"

Now if we could only get him to wear shoes

While we were home at lunch, the neighbor dropped off some pictures of Lil J that she took a couple weeks ago. Behold! The child is a walking machine! The second one reflects what he really looks like while he toddles around: he grins and giggles the whole time he's lurching forward. We get quite the kick out of it.

I am your singing telegram *BANG*

Grandma S. got this shot of Lil J making his new favorite "Ooooh!" face. At first, we thought he did this whenever he saw something really interesting, but then we noticed that he was doing it at the ceiling fan, random socks and the carpet, so it might not be what we thought. When I was watching him yesterday, he actually stood by himself for a couple seconds two or three times. Then he seemed to realize that nothing was holding him up and he got freaked out and plopped down on his hiney. I often feel like that when I'm teaching.

All three of us went and looked at houses this past weekend. That was fun. I have decided that if it's at all possible, I want a master bathroom. That may sound self-indulgent, but, man, would that be sweet. One of the homes we saw on Saturday actually had three full bathrooms in it. That's kind of excessive, but think about it--that's one whole bathroom just for me. It's entirely possible I could hide in there and it would take J and Lil J a good five minutes before they found me. Nice.

This place has more failed artists and intellectuals than the Third Reich

Good news from the ENT this morning. We're going to see how Lil J does now that he's practically done with the steroids, but if the hemangioma does rebound, the ENT is going to put him on Propranolol instead of doing the surgery. Phew! The doctor even said he's contacted other ENT's around the country who've tried Propranolol for subglottic hemangiomas, and they've had good results with it. So we're cautiously optimistic that Lil J can avoid the surgery altogether. That would just be so wonderful. If he has to go on the Propranolol, he'll be in the hospital overnight on an EKG for observation, but we can handle that. We've got another appointment in two weeks to see how his breathing is, but right now, we're feeling pretty good about our options.

And I still haven't seen any of last night's Office. Lil J had taken a late nap, so he didn't seem too hep on going to bed so I could watch my programs. Hmph. But it's ok--I recorded it. As the kids say these days, I got mad DVR skills.

This no time for love, Dr. Jones

I do not watch Presidential debates anymore with the expectation that I'll get any real answers about the issues. Seriously, if I wanted to hear two people snipe at each other about politics for two hours, I'd say the words "energy independence" around J and his mother then sit back and watch the sparks fly. No, I watch debates now just so I have a basis for when I watch the SNL satire of it next week. I can't wait to see what they do with the debate from last night. Whee!

And you know I don't like to get real political on the blog and all, but does anybody else wish we'd make a serious commitment to getting away from using fossil fuels and figure out some way that we could all drive flying cars that run on beer and banana peels like Doc Brown? America is supposed to be a land of innovation and freedom, but here we all are, driving our gas clunkers like a bunch of maroons. Somewhere, there has got to be some geeky genius sitting in his mom's basement who's managed to invent an engine that runs on toast. He or she is out there, I just know it. I just wish he'd stop playing Dungeon Siege long enough to get it patented and for sale on the web. There. I said it.

Lend me some sugar, I am your neighbor

Just in the past week, Lil J has become much more mobile...and I mean that in the scariest way possible. His new favorite activity is waiting until we've turned our backs for 5 seconds, swiftly belly crawling to the stairs and climbing up them by himself. And, let me tell you something, this kid is quick. He can get up all 13 stairs in about a minute. It is TERRIFYING. And then last night, I aged 10 years because he was nursing and somehow managed to stand up, fall off the chair and bonk his head on the dresser all within 3 seconds. Well, that's how it felt anyway. I'm trying to remember exactly how it happened, but it was so fast, I really have no idea. I felt terrible about it though since I was supposed to be holding him. He has quite the purple goose egg on his forehead today, poor little guy. He seems ok health-wise, but, man, was he upset last night. And it makes total sense. His forehead actually hit the hardware on the dresser, not just the drawer itself. That had to hurt. Do you think it would be weirdly overprotective of me to wrap him up in marshmallows and twine every day? Until he's 24?

I am Statler

I haven't had a chance to watch last night's Office yet, so don't tell me what happened! I have it recorded at home, so my main goal for today is to just survive until 4:30 so I can get out of here and fling myself at the tv. Well, I have another goal for today since Grace brought in brownies, and that is: eat brownies. Yum.

So here's how meh my social life is right now--I'm actually excited about going to Sam's Club this weekend and getting a membership. I'm an animal! Rowr! One of the downsides of being a conscientious nursing mother is that I've been avoiding alcohol and over the counter medications for so long now that I have truly become a stick in the mud. A wet noodle, if you will. My idea of fun these days is brushing my hair. I fear that if I keep this up too much longer, I'm going to lose my edge. I need to trade in my sensible shoes with their orthotic inserts for a pair of high-heeled boots one night. Of course, then I'd spend the next week complaining about my plantar fasciitis. Eh. Forget it. I'm going to go put my hair up in a bun and internet shop for chenille housecoats so I can peruse the bulk raisins in true comfort.

This wine is Episcopalian in its predictability

People, Lil J fell asleep last night at 6:30. Sure, he was up and wide awake from 5 to 5:45 this morning, but overall I think he slept almost 12 hours last night. I was so jealous. You know the last time I slept that long? Trick question! I've never slept that long! Ever. I'm guessing even in utero I was awake and staring at the walls of my Mom's uterus for hours at a time. Speaking of distractions, while I was trying to get Lil J to go back to sleep at 6 this morning so I could get in the shower, I was so bored that I was braiding my bangs and trying to remember every job I've ever had. Honestly, I need to invent something that would pass time for nursing mothers who have to be up at all hours of the night but can't move too much or make noise for fear of waking the baby. I mean, I'm pretty good at entertaining myself with mind games, but I can only do so much. My trick of counting the number of letters in a sentence to see if it's divisible by four really only works when somebody else is talking. And I've gotten so good at mentally typing sentences on a keyboard that it's not a challenge anymore. I wonder if I could do sudoku puzzles in my head.... I'm sounding crazy again, aren't I? It's finally happened. The lack of sleep has made me snap. Whoo! Now I can eat pudding all day!

Hardly any rats

I got an invitation yesterday for a baby shower in a couple weeks. It's for J's cousin's daughter, who's having a little girl in February. So, yeah, this is a pretty early baby shower, but having one in January is pretty risky around here with the sleet and snow, so whatever. But I'm actually not sure if I'm going to make it because the invitation expressly said "no children under the age of 10 are invited." And I know I could go and let J watch Lil J for the afternoon, but with the baby starting this new medication soon, I'm just not sure how he's going to be doing. J and I also bowed out of a wedding this past weekend that was an hour away because when we got the invitation in August, we just didn't know what was going to be going on and we didn't want to say we were going to be there when we really weren't sure. It's interesting this not knowing the immediate future. Sometimes I wish I was clairvoyant, but then I saw that movie The Gift on FX, and I realized it's just not worth it if it means Keanu Reeves is going to punch me in the face. Not worth it at all. And can I just say that I wish I knew Cate Blanchett? She seems cool. She seems like the kind of chick that could make a mean salsa and make fun of Nicole Kidman all at the same time.

You know I don't like being stuck in a crowd

I've had that song Patience by Guns 'n Roses in my head since I woke up this morning. For crying out loud. Even though that band imploded in the most fantastic of ways, I will always have a soft spot for them since most of my high school years were spent listening to them. And I have a secret fondness for Axl Rose, in particular, ever since I dressed up as him for Halloween that one year (we had the same haircut back then). Of course, I need to point out that I don't think he and I look that much alike anymore. I mean, at some point, every mature man needs to cut the fake dreadlocks out of his hair, trade in the football jerseys and jean shorts for real clothes and get a job. Hee, I just had a vision of what J would look like with fake Axl dreadlocks. That would be a riot. He thinks his hair is too long when it gets past an inch and a half. He claims that his let his hair grow out to his shoulders in high school, but I wasn't around then and there are no pictures, so I'm suspect of the entire thing. I'd love to see him with long hair though. Well, maybe one day when we retire and become hippies, my dream will come true. I can't wait to become a hippie. Wait, what was I talking about?

I will smack you like a bad, bad donkey, ok?

I just realized something. If the Vice Presidential debate is on tonight, does that mean The Office isn't? Noooooo! I will hope sanity prevails and the debate is actually only on MSNBC or something. To be honest, I already know who I'm voting for, so I don't pay much attention to the debates, but I'm pretty darn curious to see what happens between Palin and Biden. I've only seen those snippets of Palin looking totally flustered during her press interviews, so I've got this mental image of her standing there not knowing what to say and breaking out into a baton twirling routine to entertain the crowd. Which is totally unfair, I know, but what a visual. It's just hard for me to wrap my brain around the idea that someone like her could be President if McCain were elected and then died. Heck, if she can be President, I can be President. And I would be a terrible President. If there was conflict in Africa or the Middle East, I'd just send everybody cookie bouquets then go watch Cash Cab and Star Trek reruns until everything got better. And I'd decorate the Oval Office with disco balls and purple pillows. And then Utah would try to secede and it would almost start another Civil War until everybody realized that we don't really need Utah. Seriously, what have you done for us lately, Utah? Huh?

We've been going together 3 months IN A ROW

My birthday on Sunday was fun. We headed west to my older sister's house and saw her family, my younger sister's family and my Mom. I'll tell you something, there were 7 adults, one 9-month-old, 2 2-year-olds and 2 4-year-olds in that house, and it was a state of controlled chaos in there. My four nephews were all hopped up on Doritos and the joy of having someone their age to play with, so they were going on all cylinders the entire afternoon. But they're all so cute. Hanging out with them gives me a good idea of what we've got ahead of us. Lil J is now taking lots of steps as long as he's got something to hold on to. He'll walk from room to room if you help him, and he very much enjoys cruising along on furniture and porch railings. He also likes to hang on to the back of my pants as I try to get things done in the kitchen. Reminds me of those fish that swim underneath sharks in the ocean. Wait, that makes me the shark in this metaphor...which, now that I think about it, is probably pretty accurate considering the way I've been stalking birthday cake lately. I look for the small and weak-looking pieces since they're easier to take down. Mmm.