Crajy

Wow, I just realized how little I've gotten done during my vacation from work this past week and a half. I had all these grand plans to get rid of some old clothes, run all these errands and do extra cleaning around the house. I was so wrong about myself. I barely cleaned anything and sat around watching waaaaaay too much Dr. G: Medical Examiner on the Discovery Health Channel. But, really, the more I think about it, the less I'm going to beat myself up for my laziness. I spent all those weeks before Christmas running from store to store shopping, baking for various holiday parties, sending out Christmas cards, etc.... This week between Christmas and New Year's ought to be decompression time for everybody. Because, really, I need to build up my strength for the Ohio State v. Florida game on the 8th. I'm going to have a lot of chips, dip and chili to eat that day.

But I still adore you, Bob Barker

You know, we've been watching a lot of really bad tv the last couple days since J's still been feeling sick and we haven't been able to get out much (although I did go to the thrift store yesterday and found an Ann Taylor sweater for $2.50. Nice!), and I'm always amazed by just how craptastic daytime tv is. I don't remember it being this bad when I was in college, but I suppose I'm just old. Yesterday we watched Timecop with Jean Claude Van Damme and the beginning of Timecop 2 with Jason Scott Lee. Two words, guys: acting class. Ugh. And I just have to get this off my chest, too, after watching VH1 for a little while: Fergie needs to not rap. Just don't. She should sing her little heart out, but if I see her rap one more time, I fear blood will ooze from my ears. Thank you.

Santa was very good to me

Happy Boxing Day, everybody! Now let's get out there and punch somebody! I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. We went to my Mom's for the day and even though poor J was pretty sick most of the day (I suspect bad eggs), we still had a good time. You should have seen nephew #2's reaction to the small air hockey game my Mom got him. I've never seen an almost-3-year-old get so psyched! When he tore off the paper, he actually yelled "Air hockey! I cannot believe it!" and he pumped his fist and shouted "YES!!!" It was awesome. As for myself, I am now the proud owner of a year's worth of chocolate, candy and treats...which, for me, means they'll be gone by Martin Luther King Day. That is how I roll.

All right, I'd better go check on J and make sure he hasn't puked on the bed.

You seem like an indoor girl

Yay! It's Christmas Eve! I'm so glad the day has finally come when I can hound J relentlessly to let me open up some presents. I'm going to be on him like a spider monkey. Actually, I'm going to be spending a good chunk of the next 24 hours in the kitchen. By this time tomorrow, I'll have made brownies, a pumpkin pie and a sweet potato casserole. And I hope J understands that this means he's going to be having candy canes for lunch today because I just don't have the time to make him lunch. That's just how it is.

I had a weird dream last night that I was on a plane to go visit the wreckage of the Titanic, and I wound up in the Caribbean, crawling through an underwater cave with Kate Winslet. Huh.

Love is chocolate-covered cheesecake

So we went out to dinner last night to celebrate J's former coworker's birthday. We went to the Melting Pot, which is a restaurant I love, and even though I think it's fun, we like J's friend and his family, and the service is great, that is not why I love the place so much. I love it for the dessert. Personally, if I could envision my own heaven, it would be 60-70% dipping marshmallows in warm chocolate. Mmmm. The only drawback from last night was that the dinner took 4 hours! Wow! We got there at 7:30 and didn't get home until 11:30. Now, since you all know my usual sleeping patterns, you can imagine how tired I was at that time of night. I almost passed out during the salad course. Pitiful.

I can't believe it's only 3 days until Christmas! It's so hard not to open any of my presents under the tree. Willpower...failing....

7 swans a'swimming

Even though I didn't have to get up this morning for any particular reason, my eyelids shot open at 5 a.m. and I couldn't fall back asleep. ARRRRRGH! That's it--I don't care if I miss Dr. Phil this morning, I am taking a nap, gosh darn it! And, seriously, can I just say how entertaining Dr. Phil is? I love it when he tells people stuff like "You're being a moron. Just be nice to your wife, doofus." Heh.

But my socks are so delightful

I decided to dress festive today since it's our last day of work this year. Not only do I have on snowman earrings, a red shirt and green hoodie, but I am sporting some delightful Christmas socks. I believe my Christmas sock collection is up to about 6 pairs now, but I feel the need for more. My motto when it comes to dressing for Christmas is such: just say no to Christmas sweaters but embrace the Christmas socks. Sure, I might look dorky, but I usually do anyway. That's no big whoop.

My friend at work brought in a cake today called "better than sex." It's apparently chocolate cake drizzled with caramel and condensed milk then topped with whipped cream and a Heath bar. Awwww yeah.

Confucius say "Never do in private what you wouldn't do in public"

During our trip to DC and back, J and I were talking about the risk you run when you look at what other drivers are doing in their car. At one point in the trip, J looked over and saw a woman picking her nose as if her life depended on it, and I am just very, very glad I did not see that. Yuck. I really try not to look at other people pretty much at all anymore unless they're in a public space where they expect people to see them. So if you're in a mall, you've got a much lower chance of seeing someone pick a wedgie than you do in a quiet hallway in your office building. This is simply a sad fact of modern life. I absolutely refuse at this point to make eye contact with people on the street when I'm walking to the gym, because I have seen so many dudes spit on the sidewalk that, if I paid attention, I'd be dodging loogies all day. So gross.

Only one more day of work after today! Yay!

Pepe's Crazy Time

Sorry I've been away for a couple days, but we were in DC this past weekend visiting Mark and Ashley (or "Marshley," as we like to call them) and having a fantastic time! Those two are just plain awesome, and I'm not just saying that because they baked soft molasses cookies and let us eat about a dozen of them. Mmmm...cookies. We did manage to back away from the oven for a few minutes and saw the national Christmas tree (shiny), the Air & Space Museum (rockety) and the Dutch and Flemish Baroque section of the National Gallery (chiarascuro-y). It was great!

Do you run? Only when chased

I actually went home a little early yesterday because I was feeling pretty sick, put on some comfies and fell asleep on my couch for an hour! As J said, that's more than I usually sleep at night! I think that nap helped because I definitely feel better today. Am I going to go run a marathon? Absolutely not. But I don't see the point of that anyway. My friend at work has a brother who ran the New York Marathon and he told her that a lot of the runners relieved themselves right there on the street while they were running. EWWWW!

I just realized it's the 14th and I haven't bought any lords a'leaping or drummers drumming yet. Dang it! I'm already behind!

Bouncing here and there and everywhere

Even with all the Zicam I'm sucking down, my cold seems to be getting worse. I feel like I'm breathing through mud here (ewww) and my head is aching like a mo fo. And, what's worse, I'm having these boring dreams about changing the Kleenex box. See, that's just sad. Usually I can count on my imagination to keep things interesting even when my head is stuck in a humidifier. I'm losing my edge!

I am so excited to see what Katie's baby is going to look like! I know in the beginning it's basically going to look like a gummi bear, but when he or she actually arrives into the world, I have a feeling he or she is going to be adorable. So exciting!

I like me some Christmas buckets

In what is quickly becoming my favorite tradition, J and I went to the zoo last night and looked at the Christmas lights. We got really lucky because the temperatures were in the 40's so we didn't freeze our faces off like we did the last couple years. And that was good. We also saw elephants, wolves, rhinos and an adorable turtle, Sheldon, swimming around with the fish and manatees. Of course, because it's a "family" activity, there were quite a few screaming children in strollers. Now, I accept that I have these thoughts because I have no kids of my own, but, seriously, what are kids always screaming about? What is so bad about sitting in a stroller and having people wheel you around and hand you Cheerios? Kids, you've got the golden life going! Appreciate it while you can because in a few more years, you're going to start going to elementary school, and the free ride is over. And don't even get me started on middle school. *Shiver*

Drinking beer and playing cards with cousin Mel

Christmas is two weeks away! Ack! I'm actually not completely freaking out because I've got most of my shopping, wrapping and Christmas cards done, but I still have a few things to do before I can actually relax. I was thinking this morning how when I was a kid, this point in December was full of sweet anticipation and not an ounce of stress. Now that I actually have to give people presents instead of just getting them, the Christmas anticipation is less sweet and a lot more harried. But it's still a great holiday. Even when I'm feeling my most Grinch-y, I still love seeing people's faces when they open a present that they really like. And that is why I like to give people food--everybody loves a cookie.

I also heard this morning that the new Mel Gibson movie about the Mayans was #1 at the box office. Interesting. Aside from the fact that I'm not that interested in watching human sacrifice (I took a Mesoamerican archaeology course in college, so I know what those people did. Blech) on the big screen, I don't think I'm that fond of Mel Gibson anymore, so I'm going to avoid that movie. But I have a feeling that J will want to watch it on DVD one day since he loves bloody fight scenes. I swear, he could watch Braveheart and Fight Club all day long.

On top of spaghetti...all covered with cheese...

For some reason, I didn't fall asleep until about midnight last night and then I woke up at precisely 4 a.m. and couldn't fall back asleep. Can somebody please send ambien? I swear, I was so tired this morning that as I was brushing my teeth, I glanced down at the cold water handle and, I kid you not, it started to look like a monkey. I'm effing hallucinating here, people! And that is why I made J drive to work today. I freely admit that I am a hazard to others. And this time I'm not referring to my sharp wit. Zing!

Seriously, though, send ambien.

As if this town needed to be any whiter

Man, it is winter out there! The sky started dumping snow about 15 minutes before we had to leave for work (Thanks, weather. Yeah. That's great.), so it was an interesting drive in. We saw vans sliding around the road and an accident right in front of work. But it's still early enough in the winter that I'm impressed by how pretty the snow is. And it feels Christmas-y now, too, which is lovely.

I had an Office dream last night. Jim was in prison for some reason and Pam wanted to go visit him, but they wouldn't let in women, so she dressed up as Stanley. And while she was incognito as our favorite crossword-puzzle-solver, she kept saying "the tangy zip of Miracle Whip." It was rad.

A brave man likes the feel of nature on his face and a wise man knows to get in out of the rain

My friend at work and I were just discussing that very sad news story about the father who's missing in the woods in Oregon, and I was telling her that if I ever get lost in the woods, I'm just going to jump off a cliff. That may sound like "quitting" to some people, but to me it sounds way better than being a cougar's breakfast. Seriously, though, I just have zero survival skills. And it's sad because I was in Girl Scouts a long time when I was a kid and we'd go camping a couple times a year. But all I remember is how to make a candle out of a can of tuna, and I just don't know how practical that is at this point. Dang it.

She sleeps above the covers...four feet above the covers!

I need to devise some sort of new winter wardrobe strategy because I just caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror in this turtleneck sweater, and it looks like I could bench press a school bus, I'm so bulky in this thing. I'm not for causing myself pain to look good (you can suck it, high heels), but I will forsake sweaters in the wintertime if they make me look this much like the Staypuft marshmallow man. Yes, I am that shallow.

I liked Heroes last night, as usual. Things happen so fast on that show that I'm usually caught going "Hey, what just happened?" about 10 times per episode, but by the same token, I like that it's full of action. Does anybody else think Isaac the artist was more attractive when he was high on heroin? He's a good-looking dude either way, but for some reason lanky hair and a visible sheen of smack sweat looks good on him. Curious.

Man, I really am starting to sound like Paris Hilton with my talk of fashion and drugs. I'm scaring myself. I need to stop reading e!online and start reading some Proust.

There's no such thing as a stupid question

Crazy! A couple weeks ago I sent an email to the E! website, and they actually published my question! It's in the "Ask the Answer Bitch" section and it's the question about English actors (let's see if the link works: http://www.eonline.com/gossip/answer/?uuid=0cb69c77-bb05-4a56-b3b5-f76f91aafe30). Wow, my little diversion one afternoon has actually hit the internet and they answered it seriously! Huh. Will wonders never cease?

And, by the way, I LOVE Kate Winslet. I was thinking about how awesome she and Emma Thompson are when I wrote the question.

Dave Concepcione

I was just sitting here looking through some of J's pictures on his computer, and I found this gem that I hadn't seen before. It was taken this summer when we went to a Reds game and I finally got the big foam finger I'd been desperately wanting my whole life:

And what's the first thing I do with it? Stick it up my nose.

The lovers, the dreamers and me

Last night's tv was so funny! I pretty much laughed nonstop from 8:30 to 9:30. Having Scrubs on after The Office is genius, if you ask me. I've always liked that show, but I've never been able to keep track of when it's on. "Do you play the guitar?" "I play the banjo." Heh.

Check this out: we're actually under a tornado watch today! It's raining really hard outside and it's just slightly cold, so I guess it's possible to actually get a tornado in December. How odd. Think of all the Christmas lights and decorations that would be strewn about if a tornado blew into town! The carnage of the busted inflatable snow globes! The horror!