Marshley II: Beyond Thunderdome

Ashley called last night with the news that she's pregnant and due in August! Whoo! I am all for genetically-desirable people like Mark and Ashley reproducing. It's good for all humankind. Plus, if they have a girl, I can finally start buying Barbies instead of Matchbox cars. FINALLY. The cool thing is that they're going to wait to find out the gender of the baby, but they've already decided on names, which seems pretty unique these days. I like the names they picked out, too. They didn't go with Ann, but that's all right. If it's a girl, I'll just call her that anyway. Mwa ha ha!

You lost me at Timon and Pumba

The title of today's post comes from a discussion J and I were having this morning about Disney. We saw a commercial for Cinderella 3 out on DVD and I was saying how strange it is to make sequels to movies that came out 50 years ago, and J said how most of their original audience is probably too old for cartoons or, well, dead. And then J said that about the Lion King, and I just cracked up laughing. Timon and Pumba. Best scene of that movie is when they do that sudden cut-away to Timon doing the hula dance in front of the hyenas. Ahhh, good stuff.

And the writers of Heroes need to start killing off some characters because I can't keep track of who's who and what's what anymore. I was watching last night and I couldn't remember when Nathan and Mohinder met, when Hiro got to New York, etc.... Ugh. If I wanted to keep track of this much information, I'd take the LSAT's for fun. For crying out loud.

I'm coming for you, scrunchy

I believe J and I said the following phrase about 18 times each this weekend: "Daaang, it's cold out here!" Man, what a frosty weekend we had! But still no snow day! Grrr. Let me preface this by saying that I really do enjoy my job and am quite grateful to have it, but there's something so enchanting about the thought of waking up on a Monday, finding work is closed and being able to pad around the house in jammies all day. Sigh. Of course, I'd only want to do that for one day. I have found that being home in the daytime can get really old really fast. Eventually, Rachel Ray starts to look like Maury Povich, and then you know you're in trouble.

And in good news, my bangs are almost grown out to the point I can tuck them behind my ear. I think that by March I'll be able to stop wearing them back in a barrette. Sweet merciful crap. I am so sick of looking like a dork.

You need to give it up, I've had about enough

They had a story on the Today show yesterday and this morning about a Belgian skydiver who killed another Belgian skydiver because they were both dating the same man. So the one woman cuts the lines in the parachute of the other woman, causing her to plunge to her death. Wow. That is harsh. I understand jealousy and anger, I really do. But to go out there and watch someone fall 10,000 feet (I'm sorry, 3000 meters) because you're both dating a sleazoid cheater? That don't make no sense. I think the women in that situation right there could have learned something from that Brandy/Monica video for The Boy is Mine and teamed up and threw the man out. Not that I think Brandy, in particular, is that smart in real life, but sometimes fiction teaches us better lessons than reality.

It's Friday! Huzzah!

The Mustang: a car custom-made for morons

Man, I had a rough night. For one thing, I've been up since 4 a.m. because I was having a dream that Kate Winslet's lesbian girlfriend shot her three times as Kate was leaving a prison (she was a reporter...maybe she was talking to David Gale?), so Kate threw her into the prison, where she was attacked...I know, I don't understand what my brain is about either. But for another thing, I was driving home last night from Trader Joe's, just minding my own business, going 60 on the highway, when this a-hole in a white Mustang convertible shot across three lanes of traffic beside me and almost hit me. I had to slam on the brakes, and I thought for sure he was going to hit me, but I got lucky. I swear, if I've said it once, I've said it a million times: "Don't drink and drive, kids!"

Skippy

As if Wubby's life isn't hard enough (with his constant quest to find a warm blanket to sleep under, walking all the way to the kitchen to get his food, licking himself), J was teasing him this morning by flicking a lighter and saying "See, this is why we humans are controllers of the world and you are just our pet." Like the poor cat needs to be reminded of his lack of opposable thumbs and his walnut-sized brain. Poor thing. I think if he understood English, his feelings might be hurt.

Man, there was nothing on tv last night. Even American Idol was boring. I most certainly did not listen to Bush talk, but I must say I think it was pretty cool to see a woman sitting behind him during his speech last night. It's hard to believe it's taken this long for a woman to get that high up in politics, but I'm glad it finally happened. Alisa for President in 2012!

Excuse me while I kiss this guy

My friend at work was just telling me she's planning a trip to Key West in March. Ahh, that sounds nice, doesn't it? Key West is one of those places I would really like to visit. And it's not just because of the tropical weather and ocean breezes. No, I'm talking about getting some real key lime pie. Awww yeah. I think that if I went to Key West, my plan would be to get up in the morning, have pie, take a walk on the beach while eating pie, have a pie buffet for lunch and then nap until it's dinnertime, when I'd have steak. That's what I'm saying.

And I hope I've made it abundantly clear that I will not be watching the State of the Union address tonight. The title of that speech always confused me as a kid. I was always like "Which one will the President talk about this time? Idaho? Missouri?"

Buttercup Junction

We got quite a spell of wintery weather yesterday. It started with three inches of powdery snow in the morning, then it got topped with a crunchy layer of ice in the afternoon. So we pretty much hunkered down in the house, and I watched football. That Colts game was amazing! I swear, I was watching it and the Colts were down 18 points, so I turned it to the Simpsons, flipped it back to the game after a minute and somehow Indianapolis had scored 25 points in 63 seconds. Whoa. See, I'm all for the Colts winning the Super Bowl because hopefully that means Peyton Manning will be doing more commercials. That dude's hilarious. Plus, there's something about Rex Grossman that makes me want to kick him in the nose. His eyebrows are suspiciously well-groomed.

Maupa dupa

Ahhh, that was some good tv watchin' last night. I loved that Jim admitted he still has feelings for Pam, and that prank they played on Andy was genius. But 30 Rock cracked me up, too. "You're a hair, Liz Lemon." I love that character's name. Liz Lemon. I wish I had a cool name like that. I like that it incorporates fruit but not in a ridiculous way...like naming your daughter Apple or Peaches or something equally humiliating. Plus, I like the alliteration. There's something fun about a first and last name that start with the same sound. Sigh. If only my parents had named me Shania....

You're a lemur

Let me state for the record here that I realize the following rant is partly due to the fact that I'm not a parent. I recognize that. But I'm watching an Access Hollywood/Extra/ET the other night, and they have Jennifer Garner on there promoting her new movie. So, of course, the "reporter" asks her about what it's like being a mom, and she replies "My one-year-old daughter is the most fascinating person I've ever met. She's the funniest, most interesting person in my life." Really? Seriously? I understand watching a child grow and develop is interesting, sure. And of course she loves her a lot, but that toddler is more interesting than, say, a globe-trotting astrophysicist? For real? Maybe Jennifer Garner just hasn't met a lot of interesting people. She did marry Ben Affleck after all. Zing!

Oh, and did you see Lindsay Lohan checked into rehab? Finally! I hope they make her wear underpants while she's there. Yuck.

My stomach hurts

Ahhh, is there anything funnier than the American Idol audition shows? That girl who was singing like the Cowardly Lion certainly was unique, wasn't she? And, as always, I'm amazed at how deluded so many of these contestants are. But I was fascinated by how little Paula Abdul said last night. Doesn't she have some sort of neurological disease? Is that why she's acting so nutty? Or is it really just booze and pills, like the tabloids say? Either way, I still wouldn't mind being her for a while. Being in a daze all day and making millions of dollars for working 3 months out of the year is not a bad gig. Who needs dignity when you're that rich? Bless her heart.

Hugh Laurie for President!

Next time you see J, remember to have him do his impression of a criminal getting tased on COPS. If you're lucky enough to see him actually fall to the floor, you will laugh so hard you will cry, I promise you that.

I didn't see all of the Golden Globes last night because I had to turn it every time they cut to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Those two make me gag. Uck. But I was happy to see that Alec Baldwin won and I liked Felicity Huffman's dress. It seemed like they didn't just go for the easy choice and tried to pick some different people to win, so that was cool. But I'm still refusing to see Dreamgirls. I'm currently on a Beyonce boycott (or "Beyoncecott") because I read an article about her in a magazine this past weekend where she basically just talked about how much she loves herself. Gag.

Officer, there's no blood in my alcohol system

I'm not going to lie to you, my plans for the weekend can be summed up in one word: wine. I'm feeling worn out from all the actual work and speeches I did this week, I keep waking up at 4:45, and I'm ready to throw in the towel. That's right, I'm going to grab a bottle of riesling, throw on a filthy raincoat and go lie in a gutter somewhere all weekend. And, fortunately, in my neighborhood, there are plenty of available gutters in which to booze it up...you just have to be ready to cut a crackhead.

Oh, and that was a surprising twist in The Office last night! I hadn't heard that about Dwight. Things are getting interesting!

Geek!

Wow, there was just about NOTHING on tv last night. I refused to watch the President's speech because I had enough stress in my day already, thank you very much. So, instead, I played this computer game that J gave me. It's an adventure game where your character has to find clues, solve puzzles and travel to these strange worlds. Now, I'm no expert at computer games...in fact, the last one I played was probably Frogger. But I'm enjoying this. It's an interesting diversion. And I'm starting to understand better why I sometimes hear J screaming profanities at the computer when he's playing a game, because, seriously, it can be really frustrating to be stuck on a Martian-type planet with nothing but your wits and you're stuck on a cliff with a river of lava under you. It's true.

Something something dark side

So this morning is the campus all faculty and staff meeting that runs all morning and into the early afternoon. I believe they're providing pastries and coffee this morning, so I'm delighted at that piece of news. I have to give a presentation on my digital image database in the afternoon and I am already getting a case of the nerves. I really can't stand public speaking, so I just hope I don't collapse into a heap of jelly when I get up at the podium. I keep having this image of me getting up there, starting to talk and then getting a bloody nose (due to my recent cold and the resulting 300 times I've blown my nose in the past 2 days). I would then be forever known on campus as "that blonde girl who got the bloody nose." Which, really, could be worse. I'm very happy I'm not the person here whom we all refer to as "that twitchy guy who's always sexually harassing freshmen."

A humiliating, dehumanizing defeat

Well, that was certainly no fun to watch. What was the finale score? 386-14? Geesh. I don't know what the Florida players had in their Wheaties, but, whatever it was, they ought to sell it on the street because they could make millions. I'm not going to lie to you, after Ohio State was down by 20 points and the third quarter was ending, I just took a Nyquil and went to bed. Ugh. I'm just going to start watching golf from now on. I'm not emotionally invested in that at all.

But nature took pity on all of us Buckeye fans this morning and blanketed the streets with a light coating of snow that was quite lovely. The roads were fine and it doesn't even feel that cold outside, so it was nice to see. Of course, my favorite kind of snow is the kind that makes work shut down, but I'll take this, too.

Rub some dirt on it!

Have you ever been so sick that you've gone to bed 4 nights in a row trying to be optimistic and saying to yourself "Surely I'll feel better in the morning," and then you spend all night sniffling and coughing to the point where you only get 5 hours of sleep so you wake up at 4 a.m. feeling worse than you did the day before, and then you're so frustrated and tired that you chuck all your plans for the day and sit around watching the NFL playoffs and getting an absurd degree of enjoyment out of Peyton Manning's Mastercard and the Coors Light coaches' press conference commercials? Not that I'm speaking from experience. I'm simply asking for scientific reasons, so be honest.

I'm psychologically dependent on overanalyzing things

I'm back at work today, not feeling particulary wonderful, but I'm definitely improving. I tell you what, as much as I love cold medicine for its ability to mask symptoms, man, it gives me the shakes. This Tylenol Flu medicine I'm on is making me feeling like I'm going through alcohol withdrawal or something...not that I've ever gone through alcohol withdrawal...I'm really just theorizing here. You know, while I'm on the subject, can I vent about addiction? Because I'm getting annoyed with how easily people throw that word around. I mean, there is such a thing as addiction, I'm not arguing that. Alcohol, heroin, all these things are physically addictive. Shopping and candy are not physically addictive. As much as I'd like to use that as an excuse for spending all my extra cash on sweaters and Skittles, it's just lame. Sex is another thing that, in my opinion, is not addictive. These people are just lacking self-control, and they won't deal with it. That's right, I said it. Take that, world of psychology! Boo yah!

I like the last name Negroponte

I'm at home sick today. I've been told that I'm generally a little too forthcoming with details of my various illnesses, so if that sort of thing bothers you, you might want to stop reading at this point. Heh heh. No, it's not that bad really. I was feeling kind of achy yesterday and then woke up at 4 this morning with one of those searing sore throats that makes it hard to swallow anything cooler than boiling water. And then I noticed the achy joints and general malaise that the weak covet and the genius lament (look at me, I'm Zippy Longstockings!), and I decided to just stay home rather than infect others.

I just reread what I typed above, and I'm thinking I might be suffering from a bit of dementia, as well. Awesome.

Anywho, I'm going to go back to the couch and stare at the Wubby J. until he starts talking to me. I know he can do it. He's just messing with us with all that meowing.

Working in a coal mine

I doubt I've mentioned this before, but the library I work in is located in the basement of a 3-story building here on campus. Right above my office is the big school auditorium and the main gallery where the school does all the big art shows. And it's usually a fine situation until the work crews show up to move the walls of the gallery around, hang shows or retile the floor just for kicks. I swear, it sounds like the ceiling is going to cave in. I keep having these visions of me coming back from the bathroom one day and finding a jackhammer impaled in my desk. And the workers almost always show up on breaks when the students aren't around, so days like today mean I'll have a symphony of hammering above my head all day. And normally I'd whine about this nonstop, but apparently somebody is feeling sorry for us today because there were cookies from the work company in the break room this morning! Whee! I will glady endure 8 hours of power tools for one Cheryl & Co. sugar cookie! Yum!

Carson Daly is getting so weird-looking

Happy New Year! I hope everybody's 2007 is off to a good start, and if I know you people as well as I think I do, that means "I hope you're not lying on a bar bathroom floor right now, counting tiles in an attempt to keep yourself from being sick again." Boozehounds! I kid. We had one of those very tame but also very satisfying New Year's last night. We had these plans to go out and actually see other people, but we ended up staying home and watching the ball drop on tv. J insisted we get the 100-count shrimp ring yesterday, so I am theorizing that after eating 35-40 shrimp apiece, we just didn't have the energy to get dressed up. We are that vulnerable to shellfish.

Oh, and the big news here is that my older brother and his wife had my nephew #7 yesterday! I haven't heard the name yet, but I believe everybody is doing just fine. I still can't believe I have 7 nephews age 4 and under. I think in a few years I'll look back on this time and it'll be a blur of Thomas the Tank Engine and dump trucks.